Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems 10 ADD Behaviors That Could Be Hurting Your Marriage By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial process Updated on July 02, 2021 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Carly Snyder, MD Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD Facebook LinkedIn Twitter Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Mixmike / Getty Images There are times when an adult is diagnosed with ADD or ADHD only after their child is diagnosed. In these cases, it is often after their child's diagnosis that light bulbs go off in their spouse's head as behaviors that hurt and sabotage their marriage are recognized as symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and not a lack of caring or motivation. Even with this awareness, the presence of ADHD in a marriage can lead to unhealthy responses along with feelings of being overwhelmed and resentful. If the spouse with ADHD is in denial or uses the diagnosis as an excuse for continuing harmful behaviors, it can drive their spouse to their wits' end. Experts say many adults with attention disorders struggle at home, where their tendency to become distracted is a constant source of conflict. Some research suggests that these adults are twice as likely to be divorced; another study found high levels of distress in 60% of marriages where one spouse had the disorder. Impact of ADD/ADHD Behaviors Some typical ADD/ADHD behaviors can have a detrimental impact on a marriage, including the following. Inattention and Lack of Follow-Through When it comes to household chores, your spouse may seem disorganized and inattentive to household maintenance. However, failing to follow through on chores is often secondary to inattentiveness, not due to ill will or a conscious attempt to avoid sharing in household labor. Interruptions Your spouse interrupts you and others a great deal to the point where you think what's the point in trying to have a conversation and you are embarrassed by the apparent rudeness towards your friends and family members. Distractedness When your spouse is inattentive, easily distracted, or impulsive, you feel like climbing a wall and disappearing. How Not to Treat Someone Diagnosed With ADHD Nagging You dislike yourself for nagging, but you don't know what else to do to get your disorganized spouse to finish anything, or put anything away, or keep promises, etc. Financial Problems Your financial situation is precarious because your spouse is not good at handling money, overspends, forgets to pay bills, can't keep a job, and/or won't talk about money problems with you. Taking a Parental Role You often feel more like a parent than an equal partner to your spouse. You find yourself reminding your forgetful spouse about taking medications, meeting appointments, remembering birthdays, completing projects, etc. Low-Sex Marriage Your sexual relationship is less than either of you would like it to be. Difficulty Making Decisions Making decisions or talking about difficult issues with your spouse is nearly impossible. How to Have Difficult Conversations About Your Marriage Being Ignored As your spouse retreats into a computer game or other project, you may feel ignored or think that your marriage is in a rut, but your spouse doesn't see your marriage in the same way. Uneasiness Walking on eggshells around your spouse is the only way you find you can keep the peace in your marriage. While these are not all the actions and behaviors associated with ADHD that can hurt a marriage, they are classic examples. Even though your marriage may be challenged by these behaviors, with proper diagnosis, treatment, and a willingness of both of you to create positive coping strategies, you can have a successful and joyful marriage. Book Recommendations If the above description sounds like your relationship, you may benefit from reading up on the topic. Here are some book recommendations: Married to Distraction (2010) by Edward M. Hallowell, MD, Sue George Hallowell, LICSW, and Melisa Orlov The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) by Melissa Orlov Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder (2008) by Gina Pera What to Know If Your Spouse or Partner Has ADHD 4 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Ben-Naim, S, Maron, I, Krashin, M, Gifter, B, Arad, K. Life with a partner with ADHD: The moderating role of intimacy. J Child Fam Stud. 2017; 26:1365-1373. doi:10.1007/s10826-016-0653-9 Bouchard G, Saint-Aubin J. Attention deficits and divorce. Can J Psychiatry. 2014;59(9):480-6. doi:10.1177/070674371405900904 Eakin L, Minde K, Hechtman L, et al. The marital and family functioning of adults with ADHD and their spouses. J Atten Disord. 2004;8(1):1-10. doi:10.1177/108705470400800101 Das D, Cherbuin N, Butterworth P, Anstey KJ, Easteal S. A population-based study of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder symptoms and associated impairment in middle-aged adults. PLOS ONE. 2012; 7(2): e31500. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0031500 See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Other Helpful Report an Error Submit Speak to a Therapist for Relationships Advertiser Disclosure × The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation.