Common Excuses for Cheating on Your Spouse

Excuses are Just Words

Woman Checking Mobile Phone
SolStock/E+/Getty Images

No Justification, No Simple Reasons

Although there is no justification for cheating, when your unfaithful spouse gives you an excuse for cheating, it is simply a way to personally justify the behavior and to feel more at ease with the decision to cheat.

Why your spouse cheated on you is something you may never really know for sure. There are no simple answers or reasons. There are lots of excuses given by cheaters.

You are Not to Blame

If your spouse has been cheating on you, realize that you are not to blame, you are not a mind reader, and although the two of you were in the same marriage, your spouse made the decision to cheat.

People who are unfaithful are selfish. It is easier for them to cheat and to leave than it is to work on their marriage.

Don't Obsess Over Excuses

Don't obsess over the excuses you may hear from your unfaithful spouse. They are just words and personal justifications for your mate's hurtful behavior.

Regardless of the reasons given for being unfaithful, the bottom line is that your spouse has made the wrong choice and cheated.

An Affair Doesn't Mean the End of a Marriage

Infidelity does not mean your marriage is doomed. It does mean that your marriage needs help. Whether or not your marriage can survive infidelity depends on whether or not you both are willing to seek counseling and to move forward.

The "Our Marriage was Already Over" Type of Cheating Excuses

Here are some of the "our marriage was already over" type of excuses.

  • Our marriage was over long before I cheated.
  • We're not like we used to be.
  • I don't love you anymore.
  • I never loved you.
  • We've never been right for each other.
  • I feel trapped.
  • I never wanted to get married.
  • I don't want to live like this.
  • I love you like a sister/brother.
  • I wanted to shake up our marriage and make it better.
  • You deserve better.
  • I thought you didn't love me anymore.
  • You left me before I left you.
  • Our marriage was boring.

The "It's All your Fault Type" of Cheating Excuses

Here are some of the "it's all your fault" type of cheating excuses:

  • I've told you for years why I was unhappy, but you never did anything about it.
  • You work too much.
  • I thought you would change.
  • You don't listen to me.
  • You aren't good in bed.
  • You don't give me any attention.
  • I'm tired of having to do everything around here.
  • You don't need me anymore.
  • You put on too much weight.
  • You pressured me too much for sex so it wasn't fun with you anymore.
  • You were never really there for me when I needed you.

The "It's All My Fault" Type of Cheating Excuses

Here are some of the "it's all my fault" type of cheating excuses.

  • It has nothing to do with you.
  • It's not you, it's me.
  • I'm unhappy.
  • I need some space.
  • I really don't know what I want to do with my life.
  • I never cheated before but something just snapped.
  • I want to stand on my own two feet.
  • The other guys goaded me on and I didn't want to look like a sissy.
  • I have issues.
  • I don't why why I did it. It wasn't planned.
  • I didn't expect to get caught.
  • I'm having a mid-life crisis.
  • I'm not happy. I haven't been happy for years.
  • I never meant to hurt you.
  • It's in my nature to cheat.
  • It's just a guy thing.

The "Grass is Greener" Type of Cheating Excuses

Here are some of the "grass is greener" type of cheating excuses.

  • I need to have sex with others. I can't go the rest of my life sleeping with just you.
  • The sex is incredible. It was never that good with you.
  • I want to start a rock band and I would be gone a lot. That wouldn't be fair to you.
  • It's an addiction.
  • I can't help myself.
  • It doesn't mean anything.
  • It just happened.
  • He/She has an unhappy marriage, and I was filling an emotional void in his/her life.
  • We were just friends.
  • I was curious what sex with someone else would be like.

What You Do Need to Know

Here is what you do need to know in order to save your marriage after an affair.

  • How long has the extramarital affair been going on?
  • Has your spouse had more than one affair? If so, how many affairs? Is this a pattern or a one time event?
  • Was there a strong emotional bond in this affair?
  • Is the affair over?
  • Will the affair partner still be involved in your spouses life (for example at work)?
  • Do both of you want to save your marriage?
  • Are you both willing to seek professional help?  You will need guidance to help you through this very difficult time in your marriage.


*Article updated by Marni Feuerman