Consider These 9 Things Before Breaking Up With Your Partner

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The majority of long-term relationships will face serious issues at one point or another. These conflicts, however, don't have to mean it's the end. When handled in a healthy, productive way, working through your issues can make your partnership even stronger. 

Instead of abruptly ending your relationship, take some time to evaluate the positive things in your relationship. Doing this could keep you from making a decision you might come to regret. 

While it might feel like things aren't going well there could be a number of reasons why that is the case. So, take time to examine your relationship before deciding it is over.

This article discusses some reasons why it might be worth fighting for your relationship, such as trust, aligned core values, or the same shared vision for the future, even if you feel like it's already too late.

Signs Your Relationship Is Worth Fighting For

There are some signs your relationship’s worth fighting for. When reading through them, consider how you feel about your relationship in general. If most apply to you, there’s a chance that you have a solid foundation to build on.

Nine signs that your relationship is worth trying to save include:

  • You have mutual trust.
  • You have similar values.
  • You want the same things.
  • You're both committed to resolving your issues.
  • You can be yourself.
  • Your differences are complimentary.
  • You're willing to forgive.
  • You share a certain level of respect.
  • Your time together is mainly good.

You Trust Each Other

Trust is one of the key elements in healthy relationships. It's also established by how partners treat one another. If you notice that overall, your partner treats you well, is reliable, and is there when you need them most, consider this a positive sign.

In a 2019 Pew Research Center study on marriage and cohabitation in the United States, it was shown that married adults were more likely than those cohabitating to say that they had a great deal of trust in their spouse to be faithful, act in their best interest, tell the truth, and handle money responsibly.

This highlights that if trust with your spouse is still strong, it's a valid reason to try and work things out. Trust is the foundation of every good marriage, and you already have this important piece.

Starting over with someone new will mean going back to that "can I trust you?" phase, which you don't need to do with your current spouse.

Your Core Values Align

Regardless of how much we'd like to find that one person who's perfect in every single way, realistically, two people will never agree on everything. However, the good news is that as long as there's some common ground and most of your core values are aligned, for example, regarding religion, finances, politics, and so on, the subtle differences don't have to be deal-breakers.

They can actually strengthen your relationship with one and another and keep it interesting. 

Other examples of core values include: 

You Share a Vision

Another way to know if your relationship is worth fighting for is that both of you share a vision for your future. Essentially, this means you want the same things in life. 

A typical example of this is children. If one of you can't wait to have kids while the other would prefer a child-free life, your visions may not match up. Or, if one of you wants to travel the world year-round, while the other wants to settle down in a small town, your visions are not in alignment.

Of course, it's essential to be flexible and find a creative way for both of your dreams to coexist with one another. In the end, you just want to know you've both lived your lives to the fullest, without regret or too much sacrifice. 

You Feel Dedicated, Even When Times Are Tough

Another hallmark of a healthy relationship is staying connected despite any external or internal stressors. Conflict is unavoidable in relationships. Psychologist Dan Wile summarizes this point in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.”

No matter how large the challenge, both of you are committed to overcoming it together. You view one another as a teammate, a partner, a confidant, and a source of support.

If you're both willing to put in the necessary time and effort to resolve any issues, it may be a good indication you're still on the same page. 

You Can Be Your Authentic Self

The greatest relationships involve two separate people with two separate identities. You should feel confident in being yourself in a healthy relationship. While every couple has varying openness and self-disclosure levels, you should never feel like you have to hide certain aspects of yourself or change who you are. 

Being transparent and honest with one another not only helps you feel connected as a couple but also strengthens your trust.

When your partner accepts you for who you are, flaws and all, then that's something worth fighting for. 

You Are Different But Complement Each Other

Arguments and conflicts are normal to have between people in love. Fights over insignificant and trivial things are a part of every relationship. So what do these disagreements do?

Sometimes they become the reason why two people grow apart. But for others, it forces them to come up with creative solutions that meet the needs of both individuals.

If you are very different but manage to work together and compromise, you might end up learning from each other or experiencing things that you might not have if you were both the same. As long as you are able to compromise, this can keep the relationship interesting.

Take some time and ask yourself if your differences complement each other or create more harm than good.

You’re Willing to Forgive

Forgiveness is essential in any relationship. While it can certainly take time and be a process to move forward, the key is that you're both willing to ultimately forgive one another for whatever has happened in the past so that you can fully open your hearts to your future together. 

You Respect One Another

In intimate, healthy relationships, people share a respect for one another. They don't shame or belittle each other and offer support, comfort, and security. This is the complete opposite of a "toxic relationship."

There are several various ways that couples can be respectful towards one another. Examples of this can include the following:

  • Active listening
  • Being attentive to each other's needs
  • Forgiving one another
  • Creating space and making time in your lives for one another
  • Showing interest in the things your partner enjoys (even if you don't like them)
  • Allowing your partner to have their independence
  • Supporting and encouraging one another
  • Expressing appreciation and gratitude
  • Practicing empathy 

There Are Still Mostly Happy Moments

When most of the moments you share still feel good, it's a sign that your relationship is worth holding on to and fighting for. Yes, there will be times where arguments will arise over petty matters like chores or finances but those fights don't tarnish all the happy memories you have shared while being with each other.

A Word From Verywell

It's natural to question your relationship over time. This doesn’t always mean you are doomed or not meant to be. Most couples have vast untapped potential, and, chances are, so do you. You just need to find those reasons to stay together to build a strong and healthy relationship. Once you get to that point, you will be relieved to know that you are stronger than you thought.

2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Pew Research Center. Key findings on marriage and cohabitation in the U.S.

  2. Benson K. 5 Steps to Fighting Better if Your Relationship is Worth Fighting For.

By Arlin Cuncic
Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety."