BPD Living With BPD Print Coping Skills for Borderline Personality Disorder By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University. Learn about our editorial process Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Reviewed by Reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW on July 01, 2019 facebook twitter instagram Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, author of the bestselling book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," and a highly sought-after speaker. Learn about our Review Board Amy Morin, LCSW Updated on February 28, 2020 More in BPD Living With BPD Diagnosis Treatment Related Conditions When you are having an intense emotion, it can be hard to know what to do. If you have borderline personality disorder (BPD), your emotions can be overwhelming. The symptoms of BPD, including erratic mood shifts, self-harming behaviors, suicidality, intense emotional experiences, sensitivity to problems in your relationships and problems with impulsive behaviors, may all be related to one core feature: emotion dysregulation. Because of this emotion dysregulation, you may have very strong emotional responses and difficulty managing those responses. Unfortunately, many people with BPD turn to unhealthy behaviors in an attempt to cope with emotional pain, such as violence, self-harm or substance abuse. Coping skills can help to reduce emotion dysregulation and other symptoms of BPD. What Are Coping Skills? Since emotion dysregulation is such an important feature of BPD, many treatments for BPD emphasize the importance of building coping skills to better manage emotions when they arise. What exactly are coping skills? They are healthier ways of addressing situations and their resulting emotions. Why Learn New Coping Skills? Why is it important to learn new, healthier ways of coping? By using healthful coping skills you may: Reduce the intensity of the emotional distress you feelReduce the likelihood that you will do something harmful (e.g., engage in self-harming behaviors) to attempt to escape from the emotional distressReduce the likelihood that you will engage in behaviors that destroy relationships (e.g., physical aggression) when you are upsetImprove your ability to be able to continue to function well even when in stressful circumstancesBuild confidence in your ability to handle difficult situationsUltimately reduce your overall experience of emotion dysregulation If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. There are literally thousands of different coping skills that people use to manage stressful situations and the emotions that result. Here are a few types of coping skills that work for many people. 1 Play Music Jordan Siemens/DigitalVision/Getty Images Play music that creates an emotion that is the opposite of the one you are struggling with. For example, if you are feeling very sad, play happy, upbeat music. If you are feeling anxious, play slow, relaxing music. 2 Do Something Cultura RM Exclusive/JAG IMAGES/Cultura Exclusive/Getty Images This coping skill is sometimes referred to as "behavioral activation." Engage in a highly engaging activity. Television or computer activities do not count here—these are too passive. Instead, take a walk, dance, clean your house, or do some other activity that gets you engaged and distracts you from your current emotions. 3 Find Support Yagi Studio/DigitalVision/Getty Images Reaching out to others can really help when you are struggling with strong emotions. Call a supportive friend or family member. If you don’t have someone in mind that is supportive and you are in a crisis, call a helpline. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911. 4 Ride It Out TokenPhoto/E+/Getty Images The peak of most strong emotional reactions and the urges to engage in harmful activities last for a few minutes and then begin to subside. Grab an egg timer from the kitchen, and set it for 10 minutes. Wait for the 10 minutes and practice riding out the emotion. 5 Be Mindful Jed Share/Kaoru Share/Blend Images/Getty Images Practice mindfulness of your emotions. Notice the emotion you are having and let yourself experience it as a wave without trying to block it, suppress it, or hold onto it. Try to accept the emotion for what it is. Try to stay in the moment so you do not carry the past emotions along with it. 6 Ground Yourself Artem Varnitsin /EyeEm/Getty Images When emotions seem to be taking you out of the current moment, such as you when you start to feel “zoned out,” do something to ground yourself. Grab an ice cube and hold it in your hand for a few moments or snap a rubber band against your wrist to bring yourself out of your negative thoughts. 7 Breathe Deeply swissmediavision/E+/Getty Images Breathing deeply is one of the simplest relaxation methods. Sit or lie somewhere quiet and bring your attention to your breathing. Breathe evenly, slowly and deeply. Watch your stomach rise and fall with each breath. This can help you stay grounded in the present. If breathing deeply isn't enough to relax you, try another relaxation exercise like progressive muscle relaxation. 8 Pray Hero Images/Getty Images Are you a religious or spiritual person? If you are or have considered attending religious ceremonies, praying and attending weekly congregations can be tremendously helpful in times of extreme stress. 9 Take a Warm Bath or Shower Andrew Bret Wallis/Photographer's Choice RF/Getty Images Try to lose yourself in the sensations of the warm water or the smell of the soap. Allow the sensations to distract you from the situation you are upset about and focus on relaxing your muscles. 10 Help Someone Else Maskot/Getty Images Do something nice for someone else. It doesn't have to be something big; you can walk to the nearest store, buy a pack of gum and give the cashier a smile and say "have a great day." It may sound silly, but small gestures like this can really reduce emotional pain and connect you to the outside world. How to Learn Healthier Coping Skills Ready to learn some new, healthier ways of coping? One way to do this is by seeking treatment. Many psychological treatments for BPD, including cognitive behavioral treatments such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), focus on teaching healthier coping skills to manage strong emotions. There are online resource pages that can help you find a cognitive behavioral therapist or a DBT provider. The Best Online Therapy Programs Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit Article Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Dixon-gordon KL, Peters JR, Fertuck EA, Yen S. Emotional Processes in Borderline Personality Disorder: An Update for Clinical Practice. J Psychother Integr. 2017;27(4):425-438. doi: 10.1037/int0000044 NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Health, "Borderline personality disorder" Additional Reading Chapman, AL, and Gratz, KL. "The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide." Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, November 2007. Linehan, MM. Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: Guilford: 1993.