Relationships Spouses & Partners Dating Tips If You Want a Relationship By Barbara Field Barbara Field Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women's issues. Learn about our editorial process Updated on January 18, 2023 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Medically reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD LinkedIn Twitter Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Catherine Falls Commercial/Moment/Getty Table of Contents View All Table of Contents Feel Good About Yourself Keep Dating and Getting Out There How To Secure A Relationship Signs of a Healthy, Committed Relationship If you want a romantic relationship, there are ways to help you on your path to attaining one. Despite obstacles you might have encountered in the past, here are four ways to find a partner and have a healthy, fulfilling relationship. 5 Green Flags in Relationships Feel Good About Yourself If you want a partner who has their act together, start working on yourself first . When you like yourself, believe you have a lot to offer and are healthy physically and mentally, you’re in a good place to reach out to others. Increase Your Self-Esteem Having self-respect and personal regard is imperative before you can give to others. When you get rejected by people from dating sites or the one you liked doesn’t see interested in you after a coffee meeting, that’s disappointing. High self-esteem helps you cope with life’s setbacks. Thinking well of yourself also increases your overall well-being and makes you more attractive to others. Boost your self confidence by practicing positive self-talk and surrounding yourself with uplifting and caring people. Then when you’re on the dating apps, you’ll be a stronger person seeking a healthy relationship. Check to See If You’re Self-Sabotaging If you’re meeting great candidates, but you’re putting on the brakes, you might be self-sabotaging. Procrastination can be an example of self-sabotage. For instance, you keep making excuses why you can’t meet your special one’s friends. You might also be self-sabotaging if you’re a perfectionist and nobody is attractive enough or interesting enough for you. The root cause of self-sabotage could be childhood issues or attachment problems. How #CoupleGoals Affect Our Relationships Take a Self-Inventory Meditate and go inwards. Learn what makes you tick and find out who you are. Once you know your core values, you know what you stand for. Seek out ways that make you feel good about yourself and participate in activities that promote healthy functioning. Give yourself self-care in all aspects of your life. Keep Dating and Getting Out There Dating through dating sites and apps can become disheartening, but many people meet their partners through new technology. Embrace the idea of meeting romantic partners at concerts, gyms, through meet ups, religious gatherings and out in the real world, too. If you want a relationship, even if your heart has been broken, stay optimistic and open. Set Realistic Expectations At the beginning you’re getting to know people, not promising your life to them. If you’ve been dating a while, but you haven’t found a person to go the distance with, don’t give up. Once you’ve established rapport and a mutual connection, if you want a relationship, look for a caring partner who has the same goal or is going in the same direction. Communicate An important aspect of any good relationship is communication. Being present and validating the other person during conversations are signs of good communication. Ghosting and love bombing are negative signs of how a person communicates in a relationship. Other red flags include people who are uncomfortable talking about conflict, have controlling natures or have a fear of intimacy. How to Secure a Relationship With Someone You’re Dating After you’ve been dating a bit, you might want to be exclusive. Or maybe you’ve been dating exclusively already and now you want to live together or get married. It might seem uncomfortable to broach the subject of moving forward to the next stage. Don’t Force It Try not to be defensive. Talk openly about your wants and don’t be ashamed for wanting something different than your partner. Yet, be sure to actively listen to your partner’s side. Your significant other could very well have fears that might be helpful to talk about. Opting for ultimatums is not recommended. Consider couples therapy or therapy just for you. After all, this might not be the right person for you if your partner doesn’t want to get married, let’s say, and after a few years together, you’re dead set on taking the next step. Benching in Dating: What to Do When You've Been Sidelined Signs of a Healthy, Committed Relationship If your significant other agrees to commit, what makes for a strong committed relationship? Most psychologists and mental health counselors agree a healthy committed relationship is based on trust, respect and vulnerability. Friendship Friendship seems to be a great addition to a couple’s relationship. But it’s more than that. Being one another’s best friends could, according to science, strengthen your romantic relationship. One study revealed that partners who were friends were more affectionate, committed and supportive of their significant others than those who didn’t consider themselves friends. Sexual Intimacy Having intimate sex is another sign of a good relationship. The release of serotonin enhances mood regulation and sleep. Giving and receiving physically with someone you love also reduces stress. Showing Appreciation Another sign of a healthy, committed relationship is appreciation. That means saying nice things to the other person. According to research, people underestimate the impact of showing appreciation for a trait your loved one has and complimenting them on it. In this research, compliment givers thought the recipient would feel uncomfortable getting compliments. Despite their anxiety about offering compliments, in multiple studies, givers felt good after giving complements and the recipients valued getting them. Another study investigated the power of appreciation to see if it was associated with better mental health. In this research involving 306 spousal caregivers of older adults with chronic illness or disability, those with greater perceived gratitude for helping their loved ones showed better psychological well-being. Greater perceived gratitude also buffered the caregivers’ feelings of role overload and anxiety. If you feel good about yourself and keep putting yourself out there, you’re more likely to secure a relationship. Knowing what makes for a healthy committed relationship can also help you create one. 50 Questions to Ask to Get to Know Someone Better 3 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. VanderDrift LE, Wilson JE, Agnew CR. On the benefits of valuing being friends for nonmarital romantic partners. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2013;30(1):115-131. Boothby EJ, Bohns VK. Why a Simple Act of Kindness Is Not as Simple as It Seems: Underestimating the Positive Impact of Our Compliments on Others. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2021;47(5):826-840. doi:10.1177/0146167220949003 Nah S, Martire LM, Zhaoyang R. Perceived Gratitude, Role Overload, and Mental Health Among Spousal Caregivers of Older Adults. J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2022;77(2):295-299. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbab086 By Barbara Field Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women's issues. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? 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