Addiction Coping and Recovery Overcoming Addiction Developing Healthy Relationships in Recovery By Buddy T Buddy T Facebook Twitter Buddy T is an anonymous writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience writing about alcoholism. Learn about our editorial process Updated on January 27, 2021 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by David Susman, PhD Medically reviewed by David Susman, PhD David Susman, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance use concerns. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Ariel Skelley / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents Avoiding Toxic Relationships Codependent Relationships Enabling Relationships Developing Healthy Relationships Making New, Healthy Friends If you are trying to maintain abstinence from drugs or alcohol, it is very important that you develop positive, healthy relationships to support you during your recovery process. For most people who go through a professional rehab program, that can mean having to make an entire set of new friends. Avoiding your former drinking buddies or drug-using friends is a key step in maintaining your recovery, but it doesn't stop there. Developing new positive friendships with people who can support your recovery efforts can be even more important. Avoiding Toxic Relationships If you are like many people with an substance use disorder, you probably progressed to the point that your primary relationship was with your drug of choice. As your addiction deepened, your behavioral repertoire began to narrow so that you spent more of your time and effort with drug- or alcohol-related activities. If you had any friends left, they were more than likely those you associated with to obtain your substance or those with whom you drank or used drugs. For someone trying to maintain recovery, relationships with those former associates can be extremely toxic. There is a saying: "If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you will end up getting a haircut." This means if you continue to hang out with the same people you used to use with, you will eventually return to your previous habits. Codependent Relationships It is possible that during the development of your addiction you also formed relationships with others who were codependent. This may include a spouse, partner, friend, or even an employer. A codependent can be defined as an individual who has come to believe that supporting and even enabling addictive behaviors is the only way to maintain your acceptance, love, security, and approval. The danger involved in having a relationship with someone who exhibits excessive caregiving behavior is it can promote even greater dependency on your part. Codependents have allowed you to define their reality. This is problematic because your "reality" was highly distorted when you were using drugs or alcohol. How to Stop Being Codependent Enabling Relationships Many times codependents exhibit enabling behavior by either directly or indirectly encouraging you to continue drinking or doing drugs. Enabling can take many forms. Enabling behavior can include making excuses, lying, and covering up for you. These types of behaviors are a way of protecting you from the consequences of your actions. In other cases, enabling can involve outright furnishing you with money for drugs or alcohol. Of course, those "friends" with whom you formerly drank, who supplied you with drugs, or who used drugs with you, are your primary enablers. These two types of unhealthy behavior, codependency, and enabling behavior, can contribute to you deciding to go back to drinking or doing drugs. Developing Healthy Relationships If you are in follow-up care with your professional rehab program, your counselor will try to help you identify any damaging or unhealthy relationships in your life that could cause you to relapse. There are a few ways to approach this: Changing problem relationships: The counselor will help you work toward changing those relationships and your involvement in them. You might need to work on the relationship itself through counseling or focus on setting boundaries with that individual.Identifying supportive relationships: Your counselor or caseworker will also try to help you identify any positive, healthy family or social relationships that you have that can be a support to you in your recovery. If you have no relationships with people who don't drink or use drugs, your counselor will strongly recommend that you begin to develop new relationships. Making New, Healthy Friends Finding new friends can be challenging at times, but there are some things you can do to help. The key is to seek friendships that are supportive and focused on activities unrelated to drugs and alcohol. Some places to meet new friends include: Support groups: Many times these new, healthy relationships are formed through participation in mutual support groups—in fellowships such as Alcoholic Anonymous. Finding new friends in recovery is described in 12-step support groups as "sticking with the winners," a slogan that emphasizes the importance of healthy relationships in trying to maintain abstinence. Religious groups: Your counselor will also encourage you to find new relationships within any religious organizations you may be associated with, or even recreational organizations. Community organizations: Consider volunteering for different charitable groups or organizations in your local community. These groups are a great place to meet people who share the same concerns as you, and engaging in helping behaviors is a great way to stay busy and feel good about your actions. Hobby or sports group: Taking part in a club devoted to your favorite sport or hobby is another great way to meet people who share your interests. It allows you to pursue something you're passionate about and bond with like-minded people. A Word From Verywell Once you have completed a treatment or recovery program, it is essential to avoid toxic relationships and surround yourself with people who will support your sobriety. Learning how to identify codependent and enabling relationships and seek out healthier connections will help ensure that you maintain your sobriety in the long term. How to Make Friends as an Adult By Buddy T Buddy T is an anonymous writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience writing about alcoholism. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Other Helpful Report an Error Submit Get Treatment for Addiction Advertiser Disclosure × The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation.