Asking Small Talk Follow-Up Questions When You Have SAD

Follow-up questions are an important part of the conversation. Without follow-up questions, you and your conversation partner will end up asking and responding to a series of questions without ever talking in-depth about any particular topic—which will feel awkward. Follow-up questions keep the conversation moving forward and allow for clarification and elaboration of details.

However, if you live with social anxiety disorder, asking follow-up questions or even making small talk in the first place may feel uncomfortable—or downright anxiety-provoking. While you work on your social anxiety with the help of treatment, use the tips below to also brush up on your small talk skills. Having this list of types of questions ready will give you confidence and help to reduce the social anxiety that you feel.

Small talk generally starts with a conversation about topics such as the weather, family, work, hobbies, and other interests.

Yes/no questions require only a yes or no answer from your conversation partner. These questions often start with words such as "would," "should," "is," "are," "did," "do," etc.

• "Did you watch the season finale of The Voice last night?"
• "Do you go to church on Sundays?"
• "Do you like to travel?"

Obviously, you can see how some of the above yes/no questions would lead to a conversation. However, you can also lead your partner deeper into topics by asking questions that take a bit more explanation. These questions take a different form, beginning with words such as "how," "why," "what," and "where." 

• "How many siblings do you have?"
• "What do you do for fun on the weekend?"
• "How do you like being an accountant?"

Whether you begin small talk by asking yes/no questions or open-ended questions, you will want to ask follow-up questions to further the conversation.

If your conversation partner responds that he did watch The Voice (or any other show) the night before, follow up with a question to obtain more details:

• "Who is your favorite judge on the show?"
• "Who do you think is going to win?"

If the person responds to the open-ended question by saying that he has one sister, some potential follow-up questions might include:

• "Where does she live?"
• "What does she do?"
• "How often do you see her?"

When thinking of follow-up questions, the following keywords can be used to build upon:

• Who?
• What?
• How? 
• Why? 
• Where? 
• When? 
• Meaning? 
• And? 

Once you are in the habit of asking follow-up questions, it will become easier to generate them during a conversation. Remember, though, to always listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Only formulate your question once the person has finished speaking because what he or she says will likely affect what you ask next.

One way to do this is by practicing active listening, in which you listen as though you might need to explain what the person is saying to someone else. If something doesn't make sense or you don't understand it, ask for clarification.

Sometimes during the conversation, the other person will give you little pieces of information that hint at what he or she wants you to ask about next. A person might say something like "I have been working as an accountant, but I'm not sure for how much longer."

In this instance, consider asking follow-up questions that help you to clarify what the other person is thinking: "What do you mean by that?" or "Why do you think that?"

Use these when you feel the need to understand the other person's point of view or how they are feeling about a particular topic. This is particularly helpful if the person has dropped hints about a deeper meaning than the actual words he or she is saying.

When you first start making small talk, you might just be trying to make yourself and the other person comfortable. That is when there is often quick back and forth of "yes" and "no" type questions.

It is when you start to become genuinely interested in what the other person has to say that the conversation takes a life of its own. So—focus less on getting the details of asking follow-up questions right, and more on becoming genuinely interested in the other person.

Use these tips when you find yourself needing to make small talk with a stranger or someone you don't know well. Remember, even though your socially-anxious self may seek perfection—this shouldn't be your goal. Instead, picture your end goal of making a new friend and see the question-and-answer process as a necessary step in building that friendship.