4 Ways to Boost Your Resilience for Tough Times

Survivors of natural disasters, victims of abuse and neglect, and soldiers who have seen the worst of war up close know the truth all too well: There is no shortage of adversity in life. Whether it’s a minor setback or a major trauma, we all endure hardships. The differences among us lie not only in the shape hardship takes but also in how we respond to it. Do you find yourself weighed down by your seemingly unlucky lot in life? Or do you embrace the struggle?

Resilience is the ability to cope with adversity and to use challenges to forge strength and prosperity. Having resilience does not mean that you don’t struggle, make mistakes, or need to ask for help. Resilient people keep plugging along even when the situation becomes ugly or exhausting. They learn from their mishaps and misfortunes, and they rely on others with confidence and trust.

Whether the struggles you face are traumas or everyday setbacks, being resilient will help you gain greater control over your own path and cultivate positive change. These four strategies can build your resilience reserves.

Resilient people find a way to explain their situations in a more positive light while still accepting reality. Imagine a news broadcast interviewing victims of a natural disaster a year later. Some brood: “We’ll never get our lives back.” Others find the silver lining: “This was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, but this community has come together and shown its strength in so many unbelievable ways.”

We have the ability to decide how we’re going to interpret the adversities we face. When we work to find an appreciation for what we've gained as we persevere, we develop a more grateful approach to living. The hardship that scars us also grants us wisdom.

Optimists are among the most resilient of us, and they succeed by virtue of focusing their attention on how they can make their situations better. When faced with a challenge, pessimistic thinkers are more likely to be blind to opportunities to enact positive changes. In short, they adopt a victim mentality.

Optimists maintain a more accurate view of the control they do have. Consider Admiral James Stockdale’s trials as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. The Stockdale Paradox, a term coined by author Jim Collins, is the recipe for resilience that combines a harsh and objective assessment of reality (“Being a prisoner of war is awful”) with confidence and faith that drive hope (“This will get better and I can make it better”). Despite being stuck in solitary confinement, Stockdale and his fellow prisoners developed a system of tapping to communicate with one another. Once they could communicate, they could support each other.

Realistic optimism identifies points of control—in this case, the ability to communicate—and takes advantage of them. Resilience is the act of taking a step forward despite dire circumstances. When we look critically for something we can control, we lay out the path for ourselves. 

There are many images in our culture of the self-reliant, lone hero whose personal willpower provides enough strength to withstand any obstacle.

But while personal strength matters a lot, it is ultimately a sense of community that enables true resilience. Studies of children undergoing significant hardship find that kids who have one adult in their lives who provides stability and support are much more likely to do well than kids who don’t. The ability to relate and process one’s struggles in the context of a safe relationship buffers against many of the potential negative effects of childhood trauma.

And relationship benefits extend to adults. Consider Stockdale and his fellow prisoners. Their communication system fostered a "we're in this together" mindset. Knowing that there’s someone else out there who cares is invaluable when we’re facing a hardship.

Failure is hard for many of us to take. We’d rather step back from a challenging situation than risk making a fool of ourselves. But when we adopt the perspective that challenge can strengthen us, and that we can learn from both successes and failures, we’re exercising our resilience muscles.

This is not to say that we should seek adversity. But finding small, manageable ways to challenge yourself builds confidence. Take that class you’ve been interested in. Make that phone call you’ve been avoiding. Push your limits little by little and adopt a view of exploration and curiosity. Whether you soar or crash and burn, you’re gaining knowledge and insight.

Everyone has varying levels of resilience, but it is a skill you can work to build. Put in the effort to develop it before you encounter hardship, and you'll be able to meet challenges and learn from them.