Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems Print How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying By Sheri Stritof Updated September 23, 2019 Blend Images - Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images More in Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems LGBTQ Violence and Abuse Wray Herbert wrote in the article, "How to Catch a Liar: The Cognitive Clues to Deceit", "Most of us can spot barely more than half of all lies and truths through listening and observation." Spotting a liar isn't easy. Your own suspicions can get in the way of getting to the truth. While some scientists reported two ways to spot a liar, British researchers determined that eye movement is not a good predictor of lies. So, how do you know if or when your spouse is lying? It is widely believed that nearly everyone lies on a regular basis. A study by University of Virginia sociologist Bella DePaulo asserts that some lying is necessary for everyday life. Here are some reasons your spouse might lie, signs that you are being lied to, and what you can do about the lies and lying. Common Reasons People Lie To avoid conflictTo supposedly protect someone's feelingsTo avoid the consequences of their behaviorTo postpone having to make changes in lifestyleTo hide something they did or did not doBecause they are afraid of rejection or losing their spouseTo be in control of a situationTo avoid being embarrassedTo make themselves look goodTo make themselves appear more successful, special, or talented than they really are Are You Mislabeling Behaviors? It is possible to mistake nervousness or distraction or lack of eye contact for lying? This may result in misreading or mislabeling your spouse's behaviors. Nonverbal clues to lying can be difficult to spot and vary from individual to individual. The bottom line is, if you think your spouse is lying, ask questions and ask for clarification if necessary. A 2008 study suggests asking for eye contact and then ask ing that the story be told in reverse. It is important for you to trust your own gut and intuition or that funny feeling you may have inside. Possible Signs of Lying Remember — most of these signs can be easily misread and misinterpreted! Touching chin, or rubbing their browsCrossed arms or legsPlaying with hairA line of perspiration on the brow if it isn't a warm daySaying "no" several timesContinual denying of accusationsBeing extremely defensiveProviding more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked forInconsistencies in what is being sharedBody language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no", but nodding head up and downSmugnessMay place a barrier such as a desk or a chair in front of selfUncommon calmnessUnwillingness to touch spouse during a conversationBeing hesitantSlouching postureRigidity or fidgetingDiffering behaviors such as not acting in the usual wayUnnatural or limited arm and hand movementsPartial shrugLack of finger pointingUnusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structureStalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know"Lack of use of contractions. Prefers emphasizing "not" when talkingUse of word fillers or evasive answers when on the telephoneLack of many pronouns while talkingAvoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while talking. Do You Confront a Suspected Liar? Some experts say that when you believe you are being lied to, you should not confront your spouse with your suspicions right away. They recommend waiting until you have discovered more information and facts. Other experts believe that the sooner the cards are all out on the table, and the sooner honesty is lived out once again in a marriage, the better. Only you know what is best for your marriage. Purchase from Amazon: How to Spot, Revised Edition: Why People Don't Tell the Truth...and How You Can Catch Them by Gregory Harley & Maryann Karinch *Article Updated by Marni Feuerman Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit Article Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial policy to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Herbert W. How to Catch a Liar: The Cognitive Clues to Deceit. HuffPost. Published November 17, 2011. The global deception research team. A world of lies. J Cross Cult Psychol. 2006;37(1):60–74. doi:10.1177/0022022105282295 Wiseman R, Watt C, ten Brinke L, Porter S, Couper SL, Rankin C. The eyes don't have it: lie detection and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. PLoS One. 2012;7(7):e40259. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0040259 Depaulo BM, Kashy DA, Kirkendol SE, Wyer MM, Epstein JA. Lying in everyday life. J Pers Soc Psychol. 1996;70(5):979-95. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.70.5.979 Vrij A, Hartwig M, Granhag PA. Reading Lies: Nonverbal Communication and Deception. Annu Rev Psychol. 2019;70:295-317. doi: 10.1146/annurev-psych-010418-103135 Vrij A, Mann SA, Fisher RP, Leal S, Milne R, Bull R. Increasing cognitive load to facilitate lie detection: the benefit of recalling an event in reverse order. Law Hum Behav. 2008;32(3):253-65. doi:10.1007/s10979-007-9103-y Masip J, Blandón-Gitlin I, Martínez C, Herrero C, Ibabe I. Strategic Interviewing to Detect Deception: Cues to Deception across Repeated Interviews. Front Psychol. 2016;7:1702. Published 2016 Nov 1. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01702 Street CNH, Vadillo MA. Commentary: Can Ordinary People Detect Deception after All?. Front Psychol. 2017;8:1789. Published 2017 Oct 13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01789 Continue Reading