Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems Is Your Marriage Actually Worth Saving? By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial process Sheri Stritof Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD on January 29, 2020 facebook twitter linkedin Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Learn about our Review Board Carly Snyder, MD on January 29, 2020 Print People Images/Getty Images Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heart—especially if you think you've reached the end of the road. There's no easy path to the decision to divorce, and the journey through uncoupling is different for everyone. If you're wondering if it's time to throw in the towel, you need to determine if your marriage is going through a rough patch or if your relationship is so toxic that it's truly time to end it. Only you know the answer to the question of whether you're better off staying married or getting a divorce. Sometimes marriage is worth saving and sometimes it isn't. Signs Your Marriage Can't Be Saved There are some marriage concerns that are absolute deal breakers, like abuse. But then there are other signs that are not so clear. Each of these marriage issues should still be taken seriously if you are wondering whether or no your marriage can be saved. Abuse While there are many who believe that the only deal breaker in a marriage is physical abuse, others believe some marriages just shouldn't survive when there's serial infidelity and/or emotional abuse. This type of unhealthy, incompatible marriage is likely unsalvageable and needs to end. Although the reality is that divorce is hard, for many it's harder, more painful, and actually dangerous to live disconnected and disengaged emotionally from an abusive spouse. Indeed, the toll negative relationships take on physical health can be huge. Some research suggests that chronically negative or abusive relationships can even shorten your lifespan. Other Signs Here are 19 more behaviors that can often get worse and ultimately can lead to divorce: A sexless marriage, lack of affection or intimacyBigamy or other criminal behaviorConstant criticismContinual lies, untrustworthyDenial of an addiction, refusal to seek helpDifferent goals or outlooks on lifeDoesn't believe in monogamyExcessive spendingInability to compromiseLack of empathyLack of respect, contempt for each otherNo sense of responsibilityPlaying the blame gameRepeated issuesSerial unfaithfulnessShifting priorities, such as whether or not to have childrenUnwilling to try to save the marriageVery controlling over money, friends, etc.Won't apologize for mistakes, has no remorse or regret The Decision to End Your Marriage It's a difficult and heavy choice to jump ship and end your marriage, but when you're fighting a losing battle or are feeling trapped and powerless in a marriage that could ultimately cause you harm, don't wait for a sign out of the blue to tell you to stay or to leave. When it's time to leave a bad relationship, chances are you'll know—you'll feel it in your gut. If you're still wavering, ask yourself what's still good about your marriage and what isn't. Listen to your inner voice and don't let a fear of the unknown keep you in a troubled marriage. Professional counseling can help you make it through this painful journey out of a dysfunctional relationship. Questions to Ask Before Leaving Your Marriage Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit Article Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Scott SB, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Allen ES, Markman HJ. Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education. Couple Family Psychol. 2013;2(2):131-145. doi:10.1037/a0032025 National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). Coping with Divorce or Separation. Updated 2011.