BPD Living With BPD How to Manage Borderline Rage Episodes in a Healthier Way By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University. Learn about our editorial process Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD on August 05, 2016 Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Review Board Steven Gans, MD Updated on January 03, 2020 Print Many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience anger so intense it is often referred to as "borderline rage.” This anger sometimes comes in response to a perceived interpersonal slight -- for example, feeling criticized by a loved one. If you experience this kind of anger, you may have a hard time controlling it. Many people with BPD engage in unhealthy behaviors when they get angry, including acts that can cause physical harm or destroy relationships. It is possible to learn to manage anger in healthier ways, but this takes some practice. Here are some tips on healthy ways to manage anger. 1 Count to Ten Hero Images / Getty Images You've probably heard this one before, but it works, so it's worth repeating. If you can pause before responding to what is making you angry, you are more likely to make healthier choices about your behavior. So, if something or someone makes you mad, try to count to 10 in your head before you respond. 2 Notice Your Anger Earlier Hero Images / Getty Images Sometimes you may not even notice that you are becoming angry until you are enraged. But you can practice becoming more attuned to your responses so that you notice your anger earlier in the cycle. Try to pay attention to the small signs of a borderline rage beginning. For example, what does that first twinge of anger feel like? How does your body react? If you can catch these signals when you are moderately annoyed, rather than fully enraged, you can intervene earlier. 3 Take a Break Betsie Van Der Meer / Getty Images Once you notice that you are getting angry, it makes sense to take a break from whatever is angering you. This one works particularly well if you are getting angry in a conversation with someone. If you start acting mad, the other person will often start feeling mad, which can escalate the situation. If you notice this escalation, call a "time out" and take a break for 10 to 15 minutes (or longer, if you need to). 4 Distract Yourself Eva-Katalin / Getty Images Some people find it helpful to engage in another, distracting activity when they are getting caught up in their anger. To do this successfully, find an activity that can really hold your attention. Don't choose something passive, like watching television, because your thoughts will likely drift back to whatever is making you angry. Do something that actively engages your mind, like organizing a room of your home or reading a book. 5 Take Deep Breaths d3sign / Getty Images Practicing deep, diaphragmatic breathing can help reduce the physical arousal you feel when you become angry. Take a few minutes to breathe slowly and from deep in your belly. Put your hand on your belly, taking slow breaths, and pushing your hand out each time you inhale. Let your hand fall each time you exhale. 6 Ground Yourself Geri Lavrov / Getty Images Grounding exercises can help you "snap out" of the anger cycle once it has begun and reminds you of the real insignificance of the issue at hand. Try out grounding exercises, which are designed to bring you back to the present moment when your mind keeps going back to your anger. 7 Listen to Calming Music Geber86 / Getty Images Listening to music that promotes the opposite mood can help you reset your emotional state. When you are angry, listen to music that is slow, soothing, and calm. But don't pick something that's depressing—the music should be uplifting. 8 Practice Letting Go CaiaImages/Getty Images Anger can be difficult to manage because it is a very seductive emotion—anger entices you to hold on to it, particularly if you are righteously angry about something that is unfair. But holding on to anger often is not helpful. Pay attention to when you are intentionally holding on to your anger and trying to "let go." Mindfulness exercises can help you master the "letting go" process. 9 Communicate Assertively Caiaimage / Sam Edwards / Getty Images Sometimes instead of lashing out in anger, people with BPD hold that anger in or direct it toward themselves. This can be just as destructive as lashing out. If you are someone who does this, learning to communicate your needs assertively will ultimately reduce your difficulties with anger. Communicating assertively means communicating your needs or expectations clearly but not aggressively. 10 Take a Problem-Solving Approach Caiaimage / Paul Bradbury / Getty Images Sometimes when we are angry about something we become willful--we spend a lot of time telling ourselves how unfair the situation is, or how we have been wronged but fail to take any action to improve the situation. If you are being willful, consider whether that behavior is really working for you. If not, try to take a problem-solving approach. What are you angry about, and is there any way you could take action to solve the situation? A Word from Verywell Anger is controllable. While those feelings of rage can feel like they're taking over, you can take control and quell those emotions. Take time and practice these 10 tips to improve your reactions and manage your anger. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit