14 Ways to Manage Borderline Anger Episodes in a Healthier Way

Count to 10

You've probably heard this one before, but it works, so it's worth repeating. If you can pause before responding to what is making you angry, you are more likely to make healthier, more constructive choices about your behavior.

Notice Your Anger Earlier

Sometimes you may not even notice that you are becoming angry until you are enraged. But you can practice becoming more attuned to your responses so that you notice your anger earlier in the cycle. Try to pay attention to the small signs of a borderline rage beginning.

For example, what does that first twinge of anger feel like? How does your body react? If you can catch these signals when you are moderately annoyed, rather than fully enraged, you can intervene earlier.

Take a Break

Once you notice that you are getting angry, it makes sense to take a break from whatever is angering you. This one works particularly well if you are getting angry in a conversation with someone. If you start acting angry, the other person will often start feeling angry, which can escalate the situation.

Distract Yourself

Some people find it helpful to engage in another, distracting activity when they are getting caught up in their anger. To do this successfully, find an activity that can really hold your attention.

Don't choose something passive, like watching television, because your thoughts will likely drift back to whatever is making you angry.

Take Deep Breaths

Practicing deep, diaphragmatic breathing can help reduce the physical arousal you feel when you become angry. Take a few minutes to breathe slowly and from deep in your belly. Put your hand on your belly, taking slow breaths, and pushing your hand out each time you inhale. Let your hand fall each time you exhale.

Ground Yourself

Grounding exercises can help you "snap out" of the anger cycle once it has begun while reminding you of the real insignificance of the issue at hand. Try out some grounding exercises to bring yourself back to the present moment when your mind keeps going back to your anger.

Listen to Calming Music

Listening to music that promotes the opposite mood can help you reset your emotional state. When you are angry, listen to music that is slow, soothing, and calm. But don't pick something that's depressing—the music should be uplifting.

Practice Letting Go

Anger can be difficult to manage because it is a very seductive emotion—anger entices you to hold on to it, particularly if you are righteously angry about something that is unfair. But holding on to anger often is not helpful. Pay attention to when you are intentionally holding on to your anger and instead, try to "let go."

Engage in Light Exercise or Do Yoga

Exercise can improve your mood, reduce stress, and better your overall health—and, if you feel anger building, it can give you something else to focus on. It's important to keep your workout light if you're feeling upset though, as combining intense exercise and feelings of extreme anger may be harmful to your cardiovascular health.

Practice Meditation

Meditation can be a way for you to re-center yourself and get your mind off of anger. If you're new to the practice, meditation involves focusing on something specific, often your breath, in a directed, purposeful way. Mindfulness meditation is often used to treat symptoms of BPD, since it encourages you to stay in the present moment with a neutral mindset rather than a judgmental outlook.

Taking a meditation break may calm you down in an intense moment and, over time, learning these techniques could help you break the cycle of reactivity often associated with anger.

Communicate Assertively

Sometimes instead of lashing out in anger, people with BPD hold that anger in or direct it toward themselves. This can be just as destructive as lashing out. If you are someone who does this, learning to communicate your needs assertively will ultimately reduce your difficulties with anger.

Take a Problem-Solving Approach

Sometimes when we are angry about something, we become willful—we spend a lot of time telling ourselves how unfair the situation is, or how we have been wronged but fail to take any action to improve the situation.

If you are being willful, consider whether that behavior is really working for you. If not, try to take a problem-solving approach. What are you angry about, and is there any way you could take action to solve the situation?

Use Humor

Leaning on your sense of humor during times of stress can help you lessen the tension and soothe feelings of anger. Laughter, in particular, can help you overcome stress—in fact, laughter therapy is becoming more commonly available as a treatment option to improve mental health.

To incorporate more humor in your life, try reframing a frustrating situation as a humorous one, or taking a break to watch a funny movie.

Consider Psychotherapy

There are a number of psychotherapy options that are designed to help you manage the intense emotions that are often associated with BPD. These treatments can include:

• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
• Mentalization-based therapy
• Schema-focused therapy
• Transference-focused psychotherapy

While each method involves different techniques, they are all focused on helping you learn new coping skills so you can respond with less anger toward the stressors in your life.