Relationships Spouses & Partners Marital Problems 5 Common Types of Affair Relationships By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial process Updated on March 23, 2023 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Carly Snyder, MD Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD Facebook LinkedIn Twitter Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Chris Fantauzzi / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents What Is an Affair? Types Coping How to Respond An affair is a romantic and emotionally intense relationship with someone other than your spouse or partner. The average affair lasts six months to one year, though some can last longer, and occur between two people who are not married or otherwise committed to one another. Sex may or may not be involved when having an affair, and cyber affairs can happen between two people who may never even meet one another in person. What Constitutes as Having an Affair? An affair is an act of infidelity within a committed romantic relationship. It's most commonly considered a type of cheating that involves intense, passionate emotional or physical attachment. Rarely is the term "affair" applied to a one-time event. Infidelity, and by extension affairs, can be difficult to define as different people set different boundaries for their relationships with regard to what is considered cheating. But like other types of cheating, an affair is, at its core, a betrayal of trust. It has the ability to cause significant distress in relationships, and there are many reasons why people cheat on their partners. Affairs are also commonly described as "infidelity" or "cheating." When in reference to an affair that includes one or two married people, it may also be called "adultery" or an "extramarital affair." An affair can go by other names as well, depending on the characteristics or type of affair. Though there is some variability when it comes to defining what makes for an affair, what's most important is your definition of infidelity and the boundaries and expectations you set within your relationship. Findings Show Divide in How Men and Women View Infidelity Types of Affair Relationships You might hear an affair being referred to as a romantic affair, an emotional affair, or even a cyber affair. Some people simply call it being unfaithful or cheating, though variations of the term "affair" have been adopted by some in consensually nonmonogamous relationships as well. Common types of affairs include the following. Romantic Affair Affairs may be romantic, which can be referred to as an "affair of the heart." Romantic affairs are commonly in the form of sexual liaisons that include some level of romance and emotional attachment. When agreed to by both parties in a relationship, the term may also be used to describe a form of non-monogamy, though this is less common. Casual Affair A casual affair is most commonly considered a mainly physical sexual relationship between two people without the expectation of a more formalized romantic relationship. It may also be referred to as a "fling." Emotional Affair A platonic or nonsexual relationship may also be considered an affair. An emotional affair lacks sexual intimacy but has intense or enduring emotional intimacy. Emotional affairs can easily evolve into sexual affairs and be just as threatening to the primary relationship. Even when this type of affair doesn't cross the line into becoming physical, the impact can be just as detrimental. The intimacy involved in emotional affairs can often be deeper and more intense than the intimacy in a solely sexual affair. Cyber Affair An online or cyber affair is one that occurs online via chat, webcam, email, or text. It may be anonymous, or it may be between people who only know basic information about one another, such as their names, but have never met. Or it may occur online with someone the person knows in real life. Quite often, a cyber affair has emotional and/or sexual undertones. The partners involved in a cyber affair may never meet in person, but the emotional connection and often sensual nature of the affair can strain the committed relationships that one or both of the affair participants are in. Sanctioned Affair The term "affair" might also be used to describe part of an agreement within an open marriage or relationship. With a sanctioned affair, a couple agrees upon which forms of sex or emotional intimacy are permitted with someone other than their primary partner. These may include swinging, dating, polyamory, and ménages à trois or group sex. An open marriage or consensual nonmonogamy that works for both parties has to play by the rules that they agreed upon at the start. Otherwise, this type of affair is no longer "sanctioned." Is Having an Affair a Good Idea? Affairs are inherently personal. They complicate committed relationships and bring with them many emotions, both bad and good. Some people who are involved in an affair find that it's disappointing and not worth the emotional toll it takes on themselves and their marriage or partnership. Coping With a Partner Who Is Having an Affair Though there is no single act or behavior that should raise suspicions of an affair, there are certain warning signs that may indicate that your partner is having one. Signs of an affair can include if your partner is secretive, avoids your calls at certain times, comes home smelling different, or if there are changes in your sex life. If confirmed, there are ways to cope when your partner is unfaithful. While an extramarital affair and infidelity commonly result in a couple going their separate ways, that doesn't always have to be the case. After interviewing seven people who had experienced an affair, one very small 2012 study published in the Journal of Family Issues found that forgiveness, couples counseling, managing negative memories, learning from others who had also experienced infidelity, and changing the dynamic between the couple were helpful in reconciling. Having a partner cheat on you may wreak havoc on your mental health. Take care of yourself, listen to your thoughts and feelings, and reach out for support when you need it. When an Affair Affects Your Relationship If you had an affair and are struggling with the consequences on your relationship, there are steps you can take to try to repair your relationship with your partner such as ending the affair, accepting responsibility, and apologizing. If your partner had an affair and wants to reconcile, you will need to decide whether you're willing and able to give them a second chance. Just as in any personal relationship, there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to dealing with an affair in a committed partnership or marriage. Sometimes it can break up a marriage. Other couples recover and save their relationship through communication and professional help. Best Online Couples Therapy and Counseling of 2023 7 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Johns KN, Allen ES, Coop Gordon K. The relationship between mindfulness and forgiveness of infidelity. Mindfulness. 2015;6:1462-1471. doi:10.1007/s12671-015-0427-2 Mao A, Raguram A. Online infidelity: The new challenge to marriages. Indian J Psychiatry. 2009;51(4):302-4. doi:10.4103/0019-5545.58299 Rubel AN, Bogaert AF. Consensual nonmonogamy: Psychological well-being and relationship quality correlates. J Sex Res. 2015;52(9):961-82. doi:10.1080/00224499.2014.942722 American Psychological Association. APA dictionary of psychology: Infidelity. Marín RA, Christensen A, Atkins DC. Infidelity and behavioral couple therapy: Relationship outcomes over 5 years following therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. 2014;3(1):1-12. doi:10.1037/cfp0000012 Abrahamson I, Hussain R, Khan A, Schofield MJ. What helps couples rebuild their relationship after infidelity?. Journal of Family Issues. 2012;33(11):1494-1519. doi:10.1177/0192513X11424257 Whisman MA. Discovery of a partner affair and major depressive episode in a probability sample of married or cohabiting adults. Fam Process. 2016;55(4):713-723. doi:10.1111/famp.12185 By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Other Helpful Report an Error Submit Speak to a Therapist for Relationships Advertiser Disclosure × The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation.