Relationships Spouses & Partners Solutions for Married Couple Sleep Problems By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial process Updated on January 27, 2020 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Carly Snyder, MD Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD Facebook LinkedIn Twitter Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Steven Errico/ / Getty Images Many marriage experts believe that peaceful sleeping together can keep a marriage healthy. Why do people share a bed with a spouse if they would sleep better if they didn't? Usually, the answer is because even if you don't get the best night's sleep, you find comfort and emotional intimacy in sleeping together. If you can't sleep well with your spouse, you are not alone. Many married couples have problems sharing a bed. If you are having difficulty getting a good night's sleep because of your spouse's sleeping habits, finding a solution is essential. Sleeping Together Statistics According to a 2001 survey by the National Sleep Foundation, more than one in ten (12%) married Americans sleep alone. Additionally, lower marital satisfaction impacts sleep habits, according to the poll. Almost half of those with less marital satisfaction say they sleep less today than five years ago. They are also more likely to experience a sleep problem than their more happily married counterparts. To no one's surprise, the poll also showed that there were more sleep problems in households with children. Married people with children average less sleep during the week than those without children (6.7 hours vs. 7.2 hours per night). About 12% of married adults with children report that they typically sleep with a child, and of these, 81% report sleep problems. Common Sleep Problems Many situations can create sleep problems for couples. Since sleep preferences are individualized, it can be tough to share this space and time. Couples can disagree about or have different preferences for many factors, including: Environment: Room temperature, sheet texture, degree of quietness in the room, size and firmness of bed, number of pillows and blankets, having a window open, sleeping with children or pets Sharing: Who gets which side of the bed, sleep positions, sleep schedules, cuddling or touching, tossing and turning, getting up in the middle of the night, going to bed angry, insomnia Noise: Teeth grinding, nightmares, sleepwalking, alarms, snoring Sleep Positions When you can sleep together, many sleep experts recommend "spooning." This is the sleeping position where people sleep nestled together like spoons. This sleeping position is believed to increase intimacy and lower stress. But if you or your spouse doesn't care for this position, that's okay. Sometimes people worry because their spouse is sleeping with their back to them or seems to be far away in the bed. Don't jump to conclusions. Although sleep positions can be a red flag in a marriage, experts say there are no "good" or "bad" sleep positions in a marriage. Make Compromises So, what do you do if you have different sleep preferences? Find ways to compromise about things like bedding, room temperature, and white noise. If that doesn't work, be realistic and consider separate bedrooms or twin beds. Separate bedrooms or twin beds can save your marriage. When couples first start sleeping together, they are willing to sacrifice comfort to be close to their partner. After about five years or so, many people just want to have a good night's sleep again. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit 3 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Troxel WM, Braithwaite SR, Sandberg JG, Holt-Lunstad J. Does improving marital quality improve sleep? Results from a marital therapy trial. Behav Sleep Med. 2017;15(4):330-343. doi:10.1080/15402002.2015.1133420 National Sleep Foundation. 2001 “Sleep in America” Poll. 2001. Valtonen A, Närvänen E. The everyday intimacy of sleeping: An embodied analysis of intimate practices. Consumption Markets & Culture. 2015;19(4):370-386. doi:10.1080/10253866.2015.1088839 Speak to a Therapist for Relationships Advertiser Disclosure × The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation.