Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday With Former Bachelor Nick Viall

nick viall

Verywell / Julie Bang

Every Monday on The Verywell Mind Podcast, Editor-in-Chief Amy Morin, LCSW, interviews authors, experts, entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, and other inspirational people about the strategies that help them think, feel, and do their best in life

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Meet Nick Viall 

Nick Viall is best known for his role on "The Bachelor." He starred in "The Bachelorette" for two seasons before starring as the bachelor. He also appeared on "Bachelor in Paradise."

He has since started a podcast called "The Viall Files" where he talks about relationships and he also wrote a book called "Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday: And Other Advice on Love, Sex, and Dating."

Why Nick Viall Is Mentally Strong

Nick’s struggles with his love life have been public. He’s been cheated on, had engagements end, and been rejected by women. But he acknowledges that he made a lot of mistakes in those relationships too.

Now, he’s sharing what he’s learned about love and dating. He makes it clear that he’s not a relationship therapist, but he has learned some things about relationships the hard way. 

What You’ll Hear on the Show

  • The difference between expectations and boundaries
  • Why we tend to lie to ourselves in relationships
  • How to follow through with your boundaries when you’re dating someone
  • Why your boundaries are really for you and not the other person
  • How your ego can interfere with your ability to have a healthy relationship
  • The difference between pet peeves and non-negotiables
  • How to know what your non-negotiables really are
  • How dating apps have changed the dating scene
  • How to differentiate between your emotions and an emotional connection
  • Why we sometimes prefer pain over boredom
  • Why you shouldn’t text your ex happy birthday
  • Why you shouldn’t worry about someone cheating on you
  • The importance of being patient with yourself

What You’ll Learn About Mental Health and Mental Strength

A relationship can reflect the amount of mental strength you have already and it can also be an opportunity to build mental strength. 

Our insecurities and unhealed emotional wounds often play out in relationships when our feelings get hurt or when we aren’t sure how the other person feels about us.

So relationships give us plenty of opportunities to learn about ourselves and to build more mental muscle on a daily basis.

Quotes From Nick

Nick Viall

We want that fairytale ending but sometimes we just have to be willing to press play, watch the movie, see if we like it, and then decide if we want to keep watching. 

— Nick Viall
  • "Sometimes we will give into things like boredom and loneliness. And we will focus on what our egos are telling us, and we will seek validation rather than what might be better for our hearts."
  • "Keep learning about the person you're dating and being willing to find out more, even at the risk of finding out something you don't like, because the upside is the more you learn, the more exciting it is."

More About the Podcast

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Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript does not go through our standard editorial process and may contain inaccuracies and grammatical errors. Thank you.

For media or public speaking inquiries, contact Amy here.

Links and Resources

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By Amy Morin, LCSW
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.