Relationships Spouses & Partners Why Are the First Two Years of Marriage So Important? By Sheri Stritof Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Learn about our editorial process Sheri Stritof Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD on January 28, 2020 facebook twitter linkedin Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Learn about our Review Board Carly Snyder, MD on January 28, 2020 Print Peter Cade / The Image Bank / Getty Images Table of Contents View All The First 2 Years Honeymoon Blues If You're Struggling Build a Successful Foundation Those who are married know that marriage can hit rough patches at any point in time. When it happens early in the marriage, this can be quite alarming but don't panic as these ups and downs are very common. As the topic of matrimonial success and divorce is studied more and more, research shows that how a couple weathers their first 2 years together can make or break their marriage. First 2 Years Predict Long-Term Marital Fate Dr. Ted Huston of the University of Texas at Austin provided commentary on a study on the predictors of marital satisfaction and stressors. "This study showed that couples' newlywed marriages and changes in their union over the first 2 years foreshadow their long-term marital fate after 13 years ... disillusionment—as reflected in an abatement of love, a decline in overt affection, a lessening of the conviction that one's spouse is responsive, and an increase in ambivalence—distinguishes couples headed for divorce from those who establish a stable marital bond." The researchers also discovered "differences between the happily married and unhappily married groups were apparent right after they tied the knot." The Texas study looked at 156 couples who were married for the first time in 1981. Researchers discovered the following after 13 years: 32 couples were unhappily married56 couples had divorced68 couples were happily married The couples who divorced within the first 2 years showed signs of disillusionment and were negative toward one another in the first 2 months of their marriage. It is a sign of trouble if a newlywed couple starts to have disillusionment within the first year. The couples who were still happily married were couples who were able to have positive feelings about their spouses during this early period of time in their relationship. Facing the Honeymoon Blues If you find yourself a bit depressed after your wedding, it's okay. Honeymoon blues are normal. You have both been caught up in time-consuming wedding preparations. It is a sure bet that once you don't have that stress to deal with, you will have a sense of loss. It's similar to the post-holiday let down that many people experience. However, it is important to not ignore this period of depression. Being prepared for the newlywed blues can help you get past them. It's time to move on to setting the marital stage for the rest of your lives together. As mentioned by Dr. Huston's study, a top priority for newlyweds should be keeping the romance alive. There are other priorities a couple will need to face as well. Several major goals that need to be settled the first year include how to allocate and handle money, who is going to do what chores, ways to spend free time, finding time to have sex, dealing with in-laws, understanding differences in spirituality or religion, learning how to deal with conflict, and discussing expectations. Unfortunately, many couples avoid topics that may become heated, but doing so will do a disservice to your union. Red Flags in Early Marriage: Addictions and/or substance abuseEmotional and/or physical abuseFear of conflictInability to have fun togetherLack of respectLack of romance and intimacyMarried too young or for the wrong reasonsOver-commitment of time to other thingsOver-spendingSelfishnessSexual problemsToo much dependence on parentsUnrealistic expectations What to Do If You're Struggling The best thing to do is have an open and honest conversation with your spouse, without blaming, about your concerns. You can start by saying something like, "I think we are both struggling to adjust to being married." From there you can figure out what marriage support options might be a good fit for you both. It could be setting aside time to read and discuss self-help books, seeking guidance from a house of worship or other trusted source, joining a marriage education class, or pursuing couples' therapy. The Best Online Marriage Counseling Programs Build the Foundation for a Successful Marriage Although the first couple of years are said to be the most difficult, they are often remembered as the most joyous. They can be a tremendous time of intimacy and discovery. There is so much to learn about each other and so much to express to one another. During the newlywed stage of marriage, you can both build the foundation and set the stage for a life-long, meaningful marriage. So enjoy and romance one another! Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit Article Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Karney B. Keeping Marriages Healthy, and Why It’s So Difficult. Psychological Science Agenda: Science Briefs. American Psychological Association. Published February 2010. Miller A. Can this marriage be saved? American Psychological Association. 2013;44(4):42. Huston T. What's love got to do with it? Why some marriages succeed and others fail. Pers Relatsh. 2009;16(3):301-327. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01225.x Hewison D, Casey P, Mwamba N. The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting. Psychotherapy. 2016;53(4):377-387. doi:10.1037/pst0000098