Depression Childhood Depression Suicidal Thoughts and Depression in Children What to Do If Your Child Is Having Thoughts of Killing Themself By Lauren DiMaria Lauren DiMaria LinkedIn Lauren DiMaria is a member of the Society of Clinical Research Associates and childhood psychology expert. Learn about our editorial process Updated on April 25, 2022 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Steven Gans, MD Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print McCarthy / Stringer / Getty Images Information presented in this article may be triggering to some people. If your child is having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. While many people think of depression as an adult condition, roughly 3% of children experience depression as well. If that isn't heartbreaking enough on its own, suicidal thoughts or thoughts of killing oneself can accompany depression—even in children. How can you know if your child is having suicidal thoughts and what can you do? How to Tell If Your Child Is Having Suicidal Thoughts Suicidal thoughts, also known as suicidal ideation, may not always be completely obvious to others, not even to a child's parents. Part of the reason for that is that children with suicidal thoughts will probably not speak directly about them as an adult might. Instead, suicidal thoughts in children may manifest through an interest in and/or preoccupation with suicide or death. You may notice signs of this preoccupation in your child's clothing, the shows they watch on television, the websites they visit on the computer, through what they write in journals or even on homework, or in the way in which they identify with others who are depressed or have spoken of suicide. On the other hand, sometimes a child will speak directly about wanting to die or a wish to kill themselves. They might even speak indirectly about wanting "to make it all go away" or thinking "the world would be a better place without me." Often, there are few signs of suicidal thoughts in children, especially in children who are more shy or withdrawn. If this is the case with your child, how can you know as a parent if they are having suicidal thoughts? A key may be recognizing the signs of childhood depression, knowing that suicidal thoughts and depression can go hand in hand. Depression in Children Is a Risk for Suicidal Thoughts If your child hasn't openly expressed any suicidal thoughts, it's important to recognize the possible symptoms of childhood depression, since these are often associated with suicidal thoughts. This may include feelings such as worthlessness, hopelessness, and social withdrawal. Suicidal thoughts do not always lead to a suicide attempt, but such thoughts are believed to increase a child's risk. While not all children who are depressed have suicidal thoughts (it's more common in children with early-onset depression and a longer duration of symptoms), depression is considered a risk factor for suicidal thoughts and attempts. Suicide is one of the scary consequences of untreated depression in children, but depression in children can be devastating in other ways as well. What You Should Know About Childhood Depression What to Do If Your Child Is Having Suicidal Thoughts A child's depressed or suicidal thoughts may not always be obvious, which is why seeking treatment for your child's depression is important. A trained mental health professional may be able to pick up on subtle cues of suicidal thoughts by talking to your child, conducting psychological tests, and assessing individual risk factors, such as previous suicide attempts and the severity of your child's depression. Additionally, therapeutic treatment for depression can help to decrease your child's suicidal thoughts if they are having them. If your doctor suggests medication, such as an antidepressant, do your homework. Although generally safe and effective, research has indicated that the use of antidepressants, including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can increase suicidal ideation in some children and adolescents. The most effective way to manage a child's depression usually involves close monitoring by doctors and mental health professionals and a multidisciplinary approach to treatment. The 7 Best Online Therapy Programs for Kids Tips on Communicating With Your Child If you decide to talk about depression with your child, you may be concerned about saying the "right" thing. But the truth is that just having an open and honest discussion with your child can provide them with much-needed support. With a few tips, concerned parents and caregivers can confidently talk about depression with their children. Keep the Talk Age-Appropriate Make sure that your child understands what you are saying and is not confused or bored by the discussion. Use words that your child can understand. Words such as "depression" or "emotional reaction" are probably too complex for a younger child but may be appropriate for an older child or adolescent. Try comparing your child's depression to something that your child is already familiar with like a physical illness such as the flu or an ear infection. Keep the Conversation Positive Depression is a serious illness that causes emotional and physical pain, but try to keep the conversation focused on the positive.By maintaining a positive and hopeful outlook in your discussions, you will avoid unnecessarily alarming your child. Be Honest Don't make promises you cannot keep.Don't go into detail about topics that you are not certain of.Do tell your child what you do know.Make a list of questions to discuss with your child's mental health professional. Be Compassionate Your child needs to know that you recognize and respect their feelings.Even if you do not quite understand their thoughts, don't dismiss their feelings.Avoid comments like "What do you have to be depressed about?" or "Don't be ridiculous."Dismissive comments can cause a child to hide their feelings or become defensive. Be a Good Listener Allow your child to talk openly and express their opinions and thoughts.Avoid interrupting, judging or punishing them for their feelings.Listening demonstrates that they have someone they can confide in help to sort out their feelings. Ask Questions If you are concerned, directly ask your child if they are thinking about suicide. Contrary to what was believed in the past, talking about suicide will not give your child ideas. Instead, it can help them recognize the problem and know when and how to ask for help. Parental support (including emotional support, such as listening to your child's worries and comforting them when they're disappointed or frustrated) is associated with a lower incidence of suicidal thoughts in middle school-age children. If there are any safety concerns, do not provide judgment or discipline; simply remove your child from immediate danger, do not leave them alone, and get them immediate help. Never dismiss suicidal thoughts in a child and never promise to keep them a secret. Any suicidal thoughts or behaviors should be brought to the attention of your child's pediatrician or mental health provider immediately. If needed, bring the child to an emergency room or call an ambulance. A Word From Verywell Suicidal thoughts should always be taken very seriously, and it should never be assumed that your child is only seeking attention. Always seek help and address these thoughts as potential warning signs of suicide. Sometimes children are afraid to express these thoughts and may present them in a joking manner. Suicide is far too common in children, and any thoughts should be addressed. Likewise, if you see a health care provider who doesn't believe your child's suicidal thoughts are serious even though you do, get another opinion. Trust your instincts when it comes to your child. You know them better than anyone. Make sure that your kids know that they can ask for help if they ever think about hurting themselves, including calling the suicide hotline listed above, calling their doctor, calling 911, or going to a local crisis center or the emergency room. Teen Suicide Warning Signs and Prevention 8 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Ghandour RM, Sherman LJ, Vladutiu CJ, et al. Prevalence and Treatment of Depression, Anxiety, and Conduct Problems in US Children. J Pediatr. 2019;206:256-267.e3. doi:10.1016/j.jpeds.2018.09.021 Glenn CR, Kleiman EM, Coppersmith DDL, et al. Implicit identification with death predicts change in suicide ideation during psychiatric treatment in adolescents. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2017;58(12):1319-1329. doi:10.1111/jcpp.12769 Prager LM. Depression and suicide in children and adolescents. Pediatr Rev. 2009;30(6):199-205. doi:10.1542/pir.30-6-199 Cox G, Hetrick S. Psychosocial interventions for self-harm, suicidal ideation and suicide attempt in children and young people: What? How? Who? and Where? Evid Based Ment Health. 2017;20(2):35-40. doi:10.1136/eb-2017-102667 Jane Garland E, Kutcher S, Virani A, Elbe D. Update on the Use of SSRIs and SNRIs with Children and Adolescents in Clinical Practice. J Can Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2016;25(1):4–10. Stark K. Handbook of Depression in Children and Adolescents. (Johnston H, Reynolds W, eds.). New York: Springer Science & Business Media; 2013:275-309. Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide. Talking to Your Kid About Suicide. Kang BH, Kang JH, Park HA, et al. The mediating role of parental support in the relationship between life stress and suicidal ideation among middle school students. Korean J Fam Med. 2017;38(4):213-219. doi:10.4082/kjfm.2017.38.4.213 Additional Reading Centers For Disease Control And Prevention (CDC). Anxiety And Depression In Children. National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities. Updated September 2019. Kaslow N. What To Do If You’re Worried About Suicide. Child Mind Institute. Updated May 2019. Mullen S. Major depressive disorder in children and adolescents. Ment Health Clin. 2018;8(6):275-283. doi:10.9740/mhc.2018.11.275 By Lauren DiMaria Lauren DiMaria is a member of the Society of Clinical Research Associates and childhood psychology expert. 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