Relationships 8 Tips to Get You in the Mood for Sex By Toketemu Ohwovoriole Toketemu Ohwovoriole LinkedIn Toketemu has been multimedia storyteller for the last four years. Her expertise focuses primarily on mental wellness and women’s health topics. Learn about our editorial process Updated on August 21, 2022 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Ivy Kwong, LMFT Medically reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT LinkedIn Twitter Ivy Kwong, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, love and intimacy, trauma and codependency, and AAPI mental health. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Monkeybusinessimages / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents Why You Might Not Be in the Mood for Sex 8 Tips to Get You in the Mood for Sex When two characters are about to have sex in books and movies, they appear to be all hot and ready as soon as they go through the bedroom doors, but this doesn’t always happen in reality. While some days you might not even make it to the bedroom before ripping off your partner’s clothes, on other days, you might not be in the mood, no matter what they say or do. Remember, it's OK to forgo sex when you are not in the mood. But on the days when you do want to have sex and want to try getting in the mood, there are tips that may get your libido fired up. This article discusses common reasons that people aren't in the mood to have sex. It also provides tips that could increase your chances of getting in the mood for intimacy. Why You Might Not Be in the Mood for Sex Exploring why you might not be in the mood for sex is the key to discovering how to fix it. Trying out tips and tricks to get in the mood might only be frustratingly futile when you can’t figure out why you aren’t in the mood for sex. Some possible culprits behind your low or reduced libido include: Anxiety Cultural or religious influences Depression Feelings of shame or guilt Hormonal changes Life stressors (such as a death, having a baby, or moving) Medication Unaddressed abuse or trauma history Unresolved relationship issues If you suspect that any of the above situations or a situation beyond your control is responsible for your low libido, then it is recommended you speak to a doctor to rule out any medical issues, as well as a mental health professional for mental, emotional, and relational healing. How OCD Can Impact Your Sex Life 8 Tips to Get You in the Mood for Sex Now that you know what might be causing your low libido, you can begin to explore ways to address it. You’ll need to speak to your medical doctor or healthcare provider about it if you think your low libido is the result of a medical condition. However, if it’s caused by things that are more in your control, like stress or tiredness, here are a couple of tips that can help get you in the mood for sex. Take Care of Yourself First It’s hard to get in the mood and enjoy sex when you don’t feel your best. You might be going through a phase where you feel tired all the time, burned out, or just not sexy. All of this can affect your interest in physical intimacy. Start by looking into eating a healthier diet and exercising regularly. Make time for yourself, where you just relax and reconnect with yourself. Research shows that exercising regularly can increase your libido. Substance use can pose challenges to sexual functioning as well. If you smoke cigarettes or drink excessive amounts of alcohol, you may want to explore resources to help you cut back or quit altogether. Best Online Sobriety Support Groups Try New Things Sometimes, you are not in the mood for sex because you are bored or restless. This is especially common with people who have long-term partners. You can renew your sex lives by trying something neither of you has tried before. This could be introducing toys into your sex life or roleplaying. You could also try switching up your environment. Booking a room in a fancy hotel for a night or two can put a spark back into your sex life that you didn’t even realize was missing. It's important, however, that you nurture the emotional intimacy between you and your partner before trying new things to spice up your sex life. Emotional connection heightens sexual desire. You and your partner might make your own lists of what you want to experience during sex—both physically and emotionally—and share them with each other. Sharing your desires with your partner, as well as listening to their desires, is a great way to ensure you both feel emotionally connected and safe—which often paves the way to physical intimacy. Make Time for Sex Many couples find that they have sex as an afterthought, probably at the end of a long day. While it might not seem like a fun thing to do, penning down a particular time in your schedule to have sex can make a significant difference in your sex life. Scheduling sex ensures that you protect the time to be fully present with your partner. It also prepares your mind and body for the activity as you take the time to enjoy it. Manage Your Stress It’s hard to get in the mood for sex or even enjoy it when you are under a lot of stress. While simply saying eliminate stressors from your life is easier said than done, you can apply certain techniques to help you manage your stress levels. Create a regular exercise routine, meditate, and practice breathing exercises to help you manage your stress levels and boost your libido. One of the most important things you can do to keep your stress levels low is getting enough sleep at night. When you don’t get enough sleep, it affects how you operate throughout the day and in the bedroom. Remember or Discover What Turns You On Tap into what turns you on and try sharing that with your partner. For instance, some people get in the mood for sex by exchanging messages with their partners. You can start by sending a text of appreciation to your partner first. Sending a loving message to your partner increases the emotional connection between the two of you, which could get both of you in the mood for sex. Maybe you send flirty text messages throughout the day and see how things go. Some couples might enjoy engaging in a hot and heavy sexting session some hours before having sex. You could also try reading or watching something erotic. If your partner is up to it, you can bring them in on it and watch or read it together, which may increase both of your desires for physical intimacy. Pleasure Yourself Masturbation is a great way to get your body going when you are not in the mood. No matter how long you've been with your partner, no one can know your body better than yourself. Relax and touch yourselves in the places that you like to be touched. If it feels right for you and your partner, you can try masturbating with your partner in the room. If you're inspired, you can invite your partner to join you at any point. Switch Up Your Sex Timetable If you find that you and your partner only have sex at night, at the end of a long day, this might be the reason you’ve not been in the mood for sex. Having sex at night when you have a particularly busy life can seem tedious. Instead, make time for some morning sex for the next couple of weeks. Having sex first thing in the morning after you’ve both gotten enough sleep and feel well-rested can be a great way to improve your libido. A Word From Verywell It’s perfectly normal to sometimes not be in the mood for sex. If you’ve been experiencing low libido, take some time to figure out what you enjoy about sex and what gets you in the mood. Don’t pressure yourself when you do this. Take your time to explore your sexuality either by yourself or with your partner. If you’ve been experiencing prolonged periods of low libido, this might be a sign of an underlying condition, and you should speak to a professional about it. How Important Is Sex in a Relationship? 6 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. What Help Is Available for Low Sex Drive in Women?. Published March 5, 2020. Kennedy SH, Rizvi S. Sexual dysfunction, depression, and the impact of antidepressants. J Clin Psychopharmacol. 2009;29(2):157-164. doi:10.1097/JCP.0b013e31819c76e9 Jiannine LM. An investigation of the relationship between physical fitness, self-concept, and sexual functioning. Journal of Education and Health Promotion. 2018;7(1):57. Phillips RL Jr, Slaughter JR. Depression and sexual desire. Am Fam Physician. 2000;62(4):782-786. van Lankveld J, Jacobs N, Thewissen V, Dewitte M, Verboon P. The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life: Temporal dynamics and gender effects within romantic relationships. J Soc Pers Relat. 2018;35(4):557-576. doi:10.1177/0265407517743076 Kalmbach DA, Arnedt JT, Pillai V, Ciesla JA. The impact of sleep on female sexual response and behavior: a pilot study. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2015;12(5):1221-1232. By Toketemu Ohwovoriole Toketemu has been multimedia storyteller for the last four years. Her expertise focuses primarily on mental wellness and women’s health topics. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Other Helpful Report an Error Submit Speak to a Therapist for Relationships Advertiser Disclosure × The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation.