What Does It Mean to Be Sapiosexual?

Couple of students in the library

Pixelfit / Getty Images

By definition, a sapiosexual is someone who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.

The word sapiosexual originated from the Latin root word 'sapien,' which means wise, and 'sexualis,' which means sexual. Sapiosexual is still a fairly new word, as Merriam-Webster's first known use of the word was in 2004.

Anyone can identify as a sapiosexual, as both heterosexuals and LGBTQIA+ people can identify as such.

This article discusses what a sapiosexual is, how to determine if you are one, and suggests ways to meet other sapiosexuals.

Understanding Sapiosexuality

For sapiosexuals, everything begins and ends with the brain. For sapiosexuals, intellect stimulates sexual attraction. Let's take a look at what it means to be sapiosexual.

It Starts With the Brain

Because sapiosexuals are attracted to intellect, you can't be a sapiosexual without the brain being triggered. There is no lust, liking, wanting, or sexual gratification unless the brain has been stimulated on an intellectual level first.

Anyone Can Be a Sapiosexual

Unlike gender-specific restrictions, sapiosexuality has no limitations. You can like men, women, trans people, bisexual people, or any person of any gender or sexual identity. You are free to be attracted to whomever you choose.

Sapiosexuals are attracted to and focus on the inner workings of a person's mind more so than the other person's exterior.

Sexuality Becomes Less of an Entity

When sapiosexuals are in search of a partner, they focus more on their potential mate's intelligence instead of their looks. This means that superficial qualities like body shape, size, or facial features take a backseat.

Because intelligence is valued more than looks, sapiosexuals show their attraction for others in a way that's different from the norm. So, if a sapiosexual is interested in you romantically, you can be sure that they value you for more than the way you look.

How to Know If You're a Sapiosexual

Let's take a look at some of the common attributes of a sapiosexual. If you find yourself agreeing with the majority of the following statements, there's a good chance you're a sapiosexual.

You Prefer Deep Conversations

If there's nothing better to you than engaging in an intellectual conversation, then you're definitely a sapiosexual. Sapiosexuals find themselves attracted to other people who can effectively express themselves articulately and listen to you do the same.

You Require Intellect in a Potential Partner

You're a sapiosexual if you are easily aroused by someone's ability to touch you without touching you...you know, make you steamy, intrigued, tantalized, and completely beside yourself with their oral expertise, but without an oral performance. If this sounds like you, you certainly sound like a sapiosexual.

You Believe Intelligence Is Sexier Than a Beach Bod

Sapiosexuals value an intelligent mind over a sexy body. So, if you're more interested in what a person's beliefs are, what they stand for, and you're excited to learn about their morals, values, interests, then you're definitely a sapiosexual.

You're Attracted to Good Grammar

If you find it refreshing to see your date use "you're" correctly, then it's highly likely that you're a sapiosexual. Good grammar is a must for sapiosexuals!

Your Ideal First Date Is a Cozy Bookstore

If you prefer quiet dates with no distractions or interruptions so you can engage in an intellectual conversation with a potential mate—you're probably a sapiosexual. Likewise, sapiosexuals will likely prefer a smaller intimate setting for a first date over a bar or lounge.

Best Places to Meet Sapiosexuals

While it's not hard to determine if you're a sapiosexual, it can be hard to find like-minded individuals.

For most, clubs, bars, lounges, concerts, and sporting events are key places to meet single people, but if you're interested in finding people with lots of knowledge and wisdom, keep reading for some location suggestions.

At the Library

There's no better place to meet an intellect-driven person than at a squeaky clean library. You two can pick some books and find a nice little nook and get to know one another. And the best part? It's free!

Online

The internet affords a multitude of opportunities for meeting people. For example, you can try online dating, connecting with new people on social media, or you can try taking online classes (creative writing, cooking, photography, etc.).

Also, there are meet-up groups to do activities with people with similar interests, and there are even forums created specifically for people with certain interests. The possibilities are endless online!

Through a Friend of a Friend

This old-school aspect can still work in your favor. Sapiosexuals usually have a hard time finding compatible matches, but friends can be great resources. Who knows? You may have a friend that knows a friend that is the perfect match for you. So don't count your friends out; having them assist in your love life may be a great idea.

At Your Favorite Restaurant

Have you ever taken yourself out on a date? If you haven't, here's why it's the best thing to do. First of all, there's no wait, and second of all, people gravitate towards others who are confident enough to take themselves out on a date.

If you go solo to one of your favorite restaurants, you might meet another single person who also loves that restaurant. Then, you can both sit down and talk about why you love it so much. It's always fun to connect over a shared love of food.

Doing Your Favorite Pasttime

This is definitely a no-brainer. Whatever makes the dopamine flow generously is where you should go to meet your ideal person.

Sapiosexuals often like seclusion and pampering, so places like the spa, hair salons, nail shops, yoga studios, museums, art galleries, plays, and live music venues are great places to look for other singles if you're in the market for a new partner.

In Your Neighborhood

Take a walk around your block and do something so foreign to our generation...wave and say hi!

You'd be surprised by how many single sapiosexuals are within walking distance to you. With the summer heat, you could take a morning or evening walk and get some exercise in and make a new friend.

A Word From Verywell

If you've determined that you're a sapiosexual, then you're another step closer to understanding yourself and identifying what you want in a potential partner. When you know who you are and what you want out of a relationship, you'll likely find more success in your dating life.

If you're struggling to come to terms with your identity, consider reaching out to a mental health professional.

Was this page helpful?