Relationships What Is Sexual Tension? Is It Ever Healthy? By Candis McDow Candis McDow Facebook LinkedIn Twitter Candis McDow is from Atlanta, GA, and has been a mental health advocate since 2014. She has lived experience and charges to bring awareness to the oblivious and provide hope to peers. Learn about our editorial process Updated on October 18, 2022 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Margaret Seide, MD Medically reviewed by Margaret Seide, MD LinkedIn Margaret Seide, MS, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in the treatment of depression, addiction, and eating disorders. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Hello Africa / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents What Is Sexual Tension? Signs of Sexual Tension Is Sexual Tension Healthy? How to Avoid Harassment Realize That Sexual Tension Is Normal Tips to Move Forward Responsibly What Is Sexual Tension? Sexual tension occurs when two individuals interact and feel sexual desire, yet no sexual activity happens. Sexual tension is more about everything leading up to sex than the actual act of having sex. This phenomenon is a very common experience. It often happens in the work setting—some co-workers have secret hookups and don't want everyone in the office to know, some strictly flirt, while others feel awkward because they haven't acted on their sexual tension. Keep reading to learn how to spot sexual tension, determine if sexual tension is healthy, avoid unwanted sexual tension, and realize that sexual tension is normal. Sexual Tension Signs Most everyone has experienced sexual tension from a crush at school or work at least once. How do you know whether this is happening to you? Sexual tension signs include: You feel butterflies when they're nearYou think about them nonstopYour body heat rises with any level of physical touchYour eyes can't help but reveal your sexual desire You Get Butterflies No matter how hard you try to hide it, that person always succeeds when it comes to making your heart flutter. It could be the smell of their perfume/cologne, the way they walk, or their smile. Whatever it is, you get caught in the rapture every time. You Can't Stop Thinking About Them It never fails; your brain is always stuck on that particular person. Distractions are pointless, and keeping busy is a challenge. Let's face it, you're crazy about them. Any Physical Touch Gets You Hot It could be a handshake or a hug. Whenever they are near, you are guaranteed to feel warm all over. There is no doubt you are under their spell, effortlessly. Eyes Say It All Your eyes say everything you can't. They say eyes are the windows to the soul, but in this case, eyes are the words to your libido! What Is Mindful Dating? Is Sexual Tension Healthy? Initially, sexual tension comes off as harmless. Flirting, teasing, and wanting to be near that special person are all a part of the process; however, it's worth addressing this feeling from all angles. Is sexual tension healthy? According to professional matchmaker and relationship expert Steven Ward, there are some cons: Steven Ward, professional matchmaker and relationship expert Sexual tension can create stress and animosity if one partner uses it to lever the other. If one person craves sex and the other is using it to exert power over and control of the other, it can lead to bigger problems such as anger, resentment, and hostility. — Steven Ward, professional matchmaker and relationship expert Additionally, sexual tension can be dangerous when it comes to sexual assault. One person can misinterpret the way someone is dressed or flirting. They may over-fantasize into thinking it's something that it isn't. "When sexual tension is created deliberately, it makes the one who is being forced to abstain upset and vengeful," says Ward. "Often that person may act aggressive or passive-aggressive toward the other to communicate their discomfort and disdain for the sexual tension." There have been countless rape victims and/or instances of sex trafficking and abuse in certain circumstances like these. The numbers go up daily in kidnapping and homicides, many of which started from sexual attraction. If you are a survivor of sexual assault, you can contact the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 to receive confidential support from a trained staff member at a local RAINN affiliate. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. How to Support a Victim of Sexual Assault Safe Ways to Avoid Unwanted Sexual Tension (Harassment) These tips should help alleviate unwanted one-sided sexual tension. Practice these safe gestures to avoid uncomfortable situations. Keep a safe distance from strangers (in all locations)Carry pepper spray or a taser for safetySpeak up for yourself and be clear about your intentionsDon't be afraid to call for helpAlways be aware of your surroundingsTry not to go places alone How to Heal From Workplace Sexual Harassment Realize That Sexual Tension Is Normal Do you remember all of that built-up adrenaline when your crush noticed you? Or on prom night? And not to mention those raging hormones that no one seemed to warn you about effectively at a critical point in time. We experience sexual tension as teenagers when we have no idea what to do with such energies. Inevitably, sexual tension is normal. People will always be attracted to someone, so it's something you can't escape or run from. While you can't control who likes you, you can protect yourself from unwanted advances. Sexual tension can be good or bad. As humans, we have the right to express ourselves, but not when it makes someone else uncomfortable. As with all things, respect should be the key component when addressing someone. Sexual tension is merely a part of life that focuses directly on desire. We have many desires in life, but we only act on a few—and that's not a coincidence. Casual Relationships: Types, Benefits, and Risks Tips to Move Forward Responsibly People will only treat you the way you allow them. And in most cases, you have to teach them how to treat you. That means: Setting the standardLetting them know what is and isn't appropriateStanding your ground When you lay the foundation, there's little to no room for error. And as far as sexual tension is concerned, if it's a no, then make it a firm no! "Communication is crucial to ensuring that sexual tension doesn't erode the emotional bond between you," adds Ward. "Very often, sexual tension is the result of oppressed feelings for someone. If those feelings are discussed and shared, it may relieve the sexual tension." A Word From Verywell Life is a game of pull and restraint. Our desires shouldn't outweigh our morals. Each decision we make can alter our entire life in an instant. Sexual tension can be cute and fun but can also be dangerous if misperceived. The best thing to do is be respectful of other people's space and communicate effectively, so there is no confusion. And if the feeling is mutual, enjoy it! Spread this knowledge to the youth because they need it the most. Young boys and girls especially need to know about parameters and personal space. It starts early, and adults/parents can teach them the importance of having a voice and using it by example. Sexual tension can either be three things: harmless, harmful, or hazardous. Choose wisely. What Is Lust? Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. https://hellorelish.com/articles/telltale-sexual-tension-signs.html By Candis McDow Candis has been a mental health advocate since 2014. She has written several articles about mental illness, and her memoir Half the Battle (available on Amazon and candisymcdow.com) encompasses her journey of living with bipolar disorder. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! 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