Signs You May Be Autosexual

Autosexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person is more attracted to themselves than to other people. Some people with this sexuality may prefer masturbation to sex with others.

Autosexuality exists on a spectrum and no one's experience of being autosexual is the same. “Just as much as there is diversity among sexual identity and expression among heterosexual or queer folks, there is for autosexual folks,” says Rachel Gersten, LPCC, a licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva.

This article discusses the signs that may indicate you're autosexual, the challenges and stigma that are associated with autosexuality, how autosexuality impacts your relationships, and ways you can support people who identify as autosexual.

Signs You May Be Autosexual

Someone may identify as autosexual if their sexual arousal and satisfaction is higher through masturbation than with another person.

Here are some signs that can indicate you are autosexual.

You Experience More Sexual Pleasure With Yourself Than With Others

Although many people feel aroused with themselves and others—with pleasure from partnered sex varying between encounters for anyone—autosexuality means “you experience intensities or types of sexual pleasure with yourself that you are not able to experience with partners,” says Nikki Coleman, PhD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in racial trauma, relationships, and sexuality.

You Are the Main Character in Your Sexual Fantasies

Another big distinguisher, according to Dr. Coleman, is “If you are the star in your sexual fantasies or thoughts of self-pleasure turn you on more than partnered play” you might be autosexual.

How Autosexuality Affects Romantic Relationships

There can be a sense of “mismatched libido” when one person prefers partnered sex and the other would rather masturbate, says Dr. Coleman. Neither of these is wrong, but they can make it challenging to feel connected or in sync sexually.

“It likely will need to be a conversation with any future romantic partners on how to make a sex life fulfilling for all parties,” says Gersten. “Someone who identifies as autosexual may also only choose to spend time in that context with others who identify as the same.”

Open communication about what you want is critical for each partner in any relationship, especially when desires don’t fully align. 

Challenges Autosexual People May Face 

Stigmas still exist for anyone who is not heterosexual—what society still wrongly considers the “norm.” Autosexual people can still face stigma and “an attitude that you’re not ‘supposed to’ feel that way,” says Gersten. 

People Assume That Autosexuality Is Linked to Narcissism and Selfishness

Autosexuality has a slew of negative connotations, such as that a person is selfish, narcissistic, or prudish. These labels fuel “otherness” and diminish an individual’s experience of sexuality. 

Some People Believe That Autosexuality and Asexuality Are the Same—They're Not

It’s critical to note another misconception. Some believe that autosexuality is the same as asexuality and it's not.

Autosexuality isn’t a type of sexual dysfunction and it's also not a choice to be celibate. Autosexual people can be attracted to and enjoy intimacy with themselves and others. But, the degree to which they want to interact with another person sexually depends on where they fall on the autosexuality spectrum. 

How to Support Someone Who Is Autosexual

People deserve respect and kindness. There is nothing shameful or wrong about finding yourself attractive or enjoying masturbation more than partnered sex.

If someone tells you that they’re autosexual, believe them. “Listen more than you speak and be willing to challenge yourself about any negative biases you are holding,” says Dr. Coleman.

The most important thing you can ask, though, Gersten says, is “what they need and how to best be an ally for them."