What to Say to a Suicidal Teen

Hearing a teen say things like, "I should just go kill myself," should be cause for alarm. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers. 

If your teen brings up the subject—even if you think it's a bid for attention—address it right away. Unfortunately, many teens complete suicide every year and often their stunned friends and family say they never imagined their loved one would do it.

Teen Suicide Facts

Here's what you need to know if your teen is threatening to commit suicide.

• There is a part of your teen that doesn't really want to die.
• Teens contemplating suicide likely feel utterly hopeless, out of control and unable to cope. The pain they are experiencing is intense and substantial, and in this moment suicide seems the only way out.
• Suicidal teens are looking for a way to stop their emotional pain. They are tired of hurting and tired of feeling no one understands what they are going through.

What to Say to a Suicidal Teen

If your teen mentions wanting to die or wishing she was dead, encourage her to talk to you about her distress. These strategies can help your teen start talking:

• Encourage your teen to describe what she's feeling. Say something like, "I had no idea things were so bad for you, talk to me about what's going on."
• Ask your teen share whether a specific incident led to suicidal thoughts. Ask a question such as, "What happened? I want to know more, it might help to talk about it."

• Don't invalidate your teen's feelings. Avoid saying things that may be perceived as empty or unhelpful such as, "You should appreciate all you have in life," or "I think you're overreacting." Those things will minimize your teen's pain.
• Show acceptance. Listen without verbalizing judgment or disagreeing with their statements or feelings.

• Ask if your teen has a specific plan for suicide. The more specific the plan, the higher the risk. 

After gaining a better understanding, it's important to offer your teen emotional support. Use the suggestions that best fit you, your teen and the situation:

• Let your know teen know you understand that he feels miserable. Say something like, "It sounds like you've given up," or "I think you feel there's no way out."
• Remind your teen of your unconditional love.
• Let your teen know you are deeply concerned about his well-being.
• As compassionately as possible say to your teen, "I do not want you to hurt yourself and I will do everything possible to keep you from committing suicide."
• Gently point out that suicide is a not the only solution. Try saying something such as, "I know there are options that could help, I'd like you to at least try them."
• Promise to be there for your teen and to do whatever it takes to get him through this. Provide reassurance by saying something like, "You are not alone. I am here to help you now that I understand how bad things really are for you."

Make Safety the Top Priority

A teen who is talking about suicide could be in immediate danger to himself. Take your teen's comments seriously.

Here's how to make safety a top priority:

• Remove all dangerous implements or substances from the immediate area.
• Stay with your teen—make sure is not left alone during this crisis.
• Get your teen immediate professional help. Call 911 or take your teen to an emergency room if your child is in imminent danger.
• Get ongoing help for your child. Therapy can treat and address underlying mental health issues and is crucial to alleviating your teen's distress.

Sources

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Teen Suicide.

Shain B. Suicide and Suicide Attempts in Adolescents. Pediatrics. 2016;120(3).

Shain B. Teen suicide: a closer look at three key factors. AAP News.