Relationships Spouses & Partners Working On It Guide Working On It Guide Making It Work Couples Therapy Oversharing Interdependence Couple Goals Soulmates Building Intimacy Relationship Counseling: What You Need to Know How Relationship Counseling Can Make Relationships Stronger By Anabelle Bernard Fournier Anabelle Bernard Fournier LinkedIn Anabelle Bernard Fournier is a researcher of sexual and reproductive health at the University of Victoria as well as a freelance writer on various health topics. Learn about our editorial process Updated on February 13, 2023 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Amy Morin, LCSW Medically reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW Facebook LinkedIn Twitter Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Nicky Lloyd / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents What Is Relationship Counseling? When to Seek Counseling Finding a Therapist Online Counseling What to Expect Tips If Your Partner Refuses Therapy Next in Working On It Guide Your Partner Is Not Your Therapist Saying "relationships are hard" is so common that it's a cliché now. But it's also true. Even when people get along well, stress and daily life can cause conflicts that seem difficult or impossible to resolve. Relationship counseling can help people in these challenging situations to work through their problems, move beyond them, and be better partners overall. This article discusses the basics of relationship counseling, including when it may be helpful, what to expect from counseling, and how to find a qualified therapist. What Is Relationship Counseling? Relationship counseling, also known as couples counseling or couples therapy, is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on helping people improve their romantic relationships. By working with a therapist, couples can explore issues in their relationship, work on their communication, improve interactions, and resolve conflicts. While relationship counseling is often used to address problems, it can be helpful at any stage of a relationship. People in healthy, happy relationships can still benefit from counseling that strengthens communication and connection. When to Seek Relationship Counseling Many people believe that you should only seek relationship counseling when separation or divorce is looming. But that is often too little, too late. Relationship therapy should begin as soon as the problems get in the way of your daily life. Here are some signs that you might benefit from a consultation: You have trouble expressing your feelings to one anotherYou have one or more unsolvable disagreementThere is withdrawal, criticism, or contempt in your interactionsA stressful event has shaken your daily lifeYou have trouble making decisions togetherYou have experienced infidelity, addiction, or abuseYou want a stronger relationship Remember that there are no wrong reasons to seek relationship counseling. Some couples start therapy as soon as they are married, even without obvious problems, to build a strong foundation and prevent serious problems from developing. Counselors can help you become better communicators, develop strong relationship skills, and improve your family’s happiness. Keep in mind that the average couple waits six years before seeking therapy. This is a lot of time to let problems fester; at this point, troubled relationships are difficult to save. Instead, it's best to acknowledge problems early and seek therapy as soon as possible. Relationship problems are not limited to romantic ones, even though it's the most popular reason people consult for relationship therapy. Relationship therapy also isn’t just for married people; cohabiting couples, people in non-monogamous relationships, and LGBTQ people can also benefit. It can also be helpful for siblings dealing with family issues, or even business partners. Best Online Relationship Support Premarital Counseling Premarital counseling is a type of relationship therapy that helps prepare couples to enter into a long-term commitment. This type of counseling focuses on helping couples develop a strong and healthy relationship before marriage and identify any potential problems that might lead to issues down the road. Some of the relationship issues that might be addressed during premarital counseling include: Communication Family relationships Finances Parenting choices such as whether or not to have children and parenting style Roles and responsibilities Sex and affection Values and beliefs This type of relationship counseling can be a good way to establish realistic expectations and develop healthy communication skills that will set a marriage off to a good start. How to Find a Relationship Therapist There are a number of professionals who can offer relationship therapy, including clinical psychologists, registered marriage and family therapists, licensed counselors, and licensed clinical social workers. Remember that even though their title says "marriage," you don't need to be married to benefit from relationship counseling. Although going to the internet is most people's first impulse when looking for a therapist, asking for references from people you know can be a more effective way to start. If you live in an urban area, there are probably hundreds of qualified therapists, and making the choice can be overwhelming. If you can't find references from people you know, there are many other ways to find a qualified therapist, such as professional directories. You can even seek out online relationship counseling if that is more convenient for you and your partner. Take advantage of the free consultation that many therapists offer for potential new clients. This is a great time to see if the particular counselor suits your needs, style, and budget. Therapist-client relationships can affect your life in many profound ways, and you should choose wisely. How to Find a Therapist Online Relationship Counseling If traditional face-to-face therapy doesn't work for you and your partner, online counseling can be a great option. There are a number of reasons why you might want to try online therapy: You and your partner live in different locations. This might apply to people who are in long-distance relationships or those who are separated and considering a permanent split. Online therapy services allow both partners to participate even though they live apart. You travel frequently for work. Online options allow people to benefit from counseling no matter how busy their schedule or where they are located. You or your partner are not comfortable with traditional therapy. Face-to-face therapy can be challenging, uncomfortable, or even anxiety-provoking for some people. Web-based solutions can make relationship counseling more accessible. Online relationship counseling services utilize tools such as online chats, video sessions, and phone calls where couples can talk to each other and their therapist. You and your partner will work to create goals that you would like to achieve in therapy, which may include addressing problems related to communication, arguments, or infidelity. What to Expect The first few sessions will focus on your history and the problems you are there to solve. Be prepared to answer questions about your relationship, your parents, your childhood, and relationship experiences before your current one. Your therapist will possibly want to spend some time talking to everyone together and to each member separately. The way your therapy is going to go depends on the style of your counselor and the therapeutic approach they use. The most studied style of relationship therapy is emotionally focused therapy (EFT). EFT is based on attachment theory and aims to foster healthy interdependency between members of the couple or family. Other types of relationship therapy include Imago therapy and the Gottman method. Ask your counselor which method they are trained in and which one they think is most suited to your situation. How to Make Relationship Therapy Effective Effective therapy depends not only on the skills and experience of the counselor but also on the willingness of the couple. There are many things you can do to make your relationship counseling more effective. Be Honest Don't lie to your therapist. Sometimes we lie because we don't want to be judged. However, your therapist's job is not to judge you but to help you. Stay honest, even when it's hard. Prepare Yourself for Discomfort Therapy can often cause discomfort because you are discovering new truths about yourself and your partner and not all of them are going to be nice or happy. Working on yourself requires that you sit with your discomfort and acknowledge that you need to grow and improve. Your therapist is there to help but ultimately is it up to you to do the work. Listen to Your Partner(s) Whether you are doing relationship therapy with one person or a larger family group, it's important to listen to what others have to say. Remaining on the defensive and trying to reply to everything that others bring up about your behavior is only going to make things more difficult for everyone. Put in the Time Therapy happens just as much in sessions as between them. Your counselor might give you homework or ask you to try new patterns of communication and interaction in between appointments. It's going to take time and effort, but remember that it is worth it. In the end, it's the work that all members of the relationship put in that makes a difference in the results of the therapy. Don't expect the therapist to be a wizard who's going to make all your problems disappear. Consult early, engage honestly in the process, and do the work. If Your Partner Refuses Therapy Even if you believe that your relationship can benefit from therapy, your partner might not be willing to participate. So what can you do in this situation? It is important to remember that you cannot force your partner into counseling. All you can ultimately do is see a therapist on your own and work on issues you are facing as an individual. The Positive Impact of Couples Therapy Is Nearly Universal, Verywell Mind Survey Finds A Word From Verywell If you are facing challenges in your relationship, you may find that counseling can be helpful. A therapist can help you and your partner get to the root of your problems, find new ways of communication, and strengthen your connection with one another. By working together, you and your partner can build a stronger relationship and address the conflict you might be having. You might also consider trying online therapy, which can also be highly beneficial. Does Marriage Counseling Work? 8 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Schofield MJ, Mumford N, Jurkovic D, Jurkovic I, Bickerdike A. Short and long-term effectiveness of couple counseling: A study protocol. BMC Public Health. 2012;12:735. doi:10.1186/1471-2458-12-735 Canadian Agency for Drugs and Technologies in Health. Couples therapy for adults experiencing relationship distress: a review of the clinical evidence and guidelines. Hewison D, Casey P, Mwamba N. The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting. Psychotherapy (Chic). 2016;53(4):377-387. doi:10.1037/pst0000098 Nielsen AC. Psychodynamic couple therapy: A practical synthesis. J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):685-699. doi:10.1111/jmft.12236 DeAngelis T. Better relationships with patients lead to better outcomes. Monitor on Psychology. 2019;50(10):38. Beasley CC, Ager R. Emotionally focused couples therapy: A systematic review of its effectiveness over the past 19 years. J Evid Based Soc Work. 2019;3:1-16. doi:10.1080/23761407.2018.1563013 Ryan RM, Lynch MF, Vansteenkiste M, Deci EL. Motivation and autonomy in counseling, psychotherapy, and behavior change: A look at theory and practice. The Counseling Psychologist. 2011;39(2):193-260. doi:10.1177/0011000009359313 Decker SE, Kiluk BD, Frankforter T, Babuscio T, Nich C, Carroll KM. Just showing up is not enough: Homework adherence and outcome in cognitive-behavioral therapy for cocaine dependence. J Consult Clin Psychol. 2016;84(10):907-912. doi:10.1037/ccp0000126 By Anabelle Bernard Fournier Anabelle Bernard Fournier is a researcher of sexual and reproductive health at the University of Victoria as well as a freelance writer on various health topics. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Other Helpful Report an Error Submit Speak to a Therapist for Relationships Advertiser Disclosure × The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation.